Sunday, January 22, 2012


Friends, Bloggers, Countrymen. I have been away. I could blatantly lie to everyone here, saying that I was super lazy, or that I was going through a writer’s block, or that my office work has increased. But no. I shall not lie. Blogger world has given me many a friends, few of whom have become too close to me. And hence, I owe all Bloggers the truth here. The reason for my interim disappearance in the Blogger world, both as a reader and a writer, is Alien Abduction. Yes, I was abducted by aliens.

They told me they were harmless. All they wanted was to do some research on humans, in return of which they would feed me all I wished. I obliged. They were fluent in Gujarati, In case you’re wondering how they communicated with me.

It was an amazing experience. I asked them why they chose me, an Indian, to abduct. Since I am a regular watcher of Hollywood movies, I strongly believed that all UFOs always landed, attacked and re-filled gas in the US.

I had a gala time inside their spaceship. I was not allowed to communicate with anyone, but I was provided with newspapers and a TV. I read and saw all about the aggressive marches that took place for me. It was overwhelming to see people shout aloud ‘Bring Back Kalpak’ outside my house, holding placards showing my face morphed over Hugh Jackman’s body. I even read about three people committing suicide on account of my blog going in a limbo. Even Anna Hazare fasted, demanding my return soon.

There was even a Slut Walk held out for me. But it was a different kind of a Slut Walk. Girls dressed provocatively and took to the streets shouting ‘Kalpak come back. I’ll be your slut’.

I also made them watch Roadies auditions, and taught them how and when to use golden words like Chutiya and Bhosdi-ke (I'm not censoring my abuses with asterisks here, in protest against SOPA). Now that I think about it, those aliens did look a little like Raghu Ram.

I made good friends with the aliens too. I had secret selfish motives of receiving some super powers from them, but sadly even my beliefs based on Koi Mil Gaya were shattered. I even got to see an alien rubbing its finger hard, and I later realized the depth of that act. Thankfully, my belief based on Scary Movie 3 remained intact.

I thought they were very good with me, but then by the time they were done, they refused to drop me home. They dropped me somewhere far away and asked me to take a rickshaw home, since they were getting late. Assholes.

On a more serious note, my genuine apologies to all the wonderful bloggers whose blogs I haven’t been reading and commenting on since almost a month now. I was going through a writer’s block, and my laziness was making me go through a reader’s block as well. I don’t know if I’m out of the writer’s block, but I do ensure I will pull myself out of the reader’s block, and bombard your posts with my worthless comments again.

Happy Blogging people.


  1. I wonder why they dropped you anyway. Few days more and I would have definitely won... *Evil Grin* Oh and you had writer's/reader's block? I must shut my blog down! No ideas absolutely! Welcome Back!! :D

    PS: Glad to have you back. And no, I wasn't intending to commit suicide. May those three women/men (?) rest in peace. :D

  2. I believe you were abducted by aliens.

  3. Oh no they dropped you back!
    I thought i had a deal with those damn aliens!

  4. Hahahahaha =p
    Roadies and slut walk and what not... Yeah right, we all do believe you. NOT =p
    Glad that you're back again. Keep posting!! :D

  5. Ha ha ha! You just made my evening! You have a very imaginative mind ;) Looks like the aliens found it too difficult to abduct :D

  6. Yay!! you are back!! and how!!

    Alien abduction,slut walk and roadies!! all together!! you are back with a bang!!

  7. Imaginative guy, aliens? But really it would be hilarious to hear them speaking gujju! :) Been there as well. Now my blog is pretty sparse due to my busy schedule, left a huge gap of time and now my readers have gone as well. It's depressing. Anyway, welcome back! :)

  8. saaaaal show off.
    i HATE you.gaaaaah..every time i decide i wont talk to you you bring out this humour and all my resolution flies out of the window.
    pfffttt.. usual..phataka post..
    and ya ya..welcome back and all that jazz..

    PS-obviously those aliens would have eventually dropped you many more days of "KP TORTURE" could they torture anyways..??!!! khi khi khi

  9. I don't know either if you're out of your writer's block, but it sure feels good to read your post.. How can you be so creative? Itne chote head mein itna sab.. niceeeyy :D

    Post post.. you fill my life with humor..
    Haila did tht sound weird? Umm like I care..
    BBlah!! :D

    But on a good note, YES YOU WERE MISSED :)

  10. Hilarious as ever!Awesome post.
    So glad you're back!

  11. "I even got to see an alien rubbing its finger hard, and I later realized the depth of that act. Thankfully, my belief based on Scary Movie 3 remained intact"
    I do not know how many ppl got this.;) May be they have to watch Scary Movie first. I was certainly very close to falling off my chair while laughing at it...:-)

  12. Haha you taught the alines how to abuse?? This was so funny :)
    Hope you post often now :)

  13. nice post you to pick up something simple and turn it into a hilarious post..
    "...all UFOs always landed, attacked and re-filled gas in the US"??!!! lol...

  14. //There was even a Slut Walk held out for me. But it was a different kind of a Slut Walk. Girls dressed provocatively and took to the streets shouting ‘Kalpak come back. I’ll be your slut’.//

    You wish, buddy! :P :P

    And I have been complaining to my bestie that Kalpak has not written since a month so much that right now, she is hyper-annoyed at you for not writing and putting her thro' the pain of listening to my ramble. Please do come out of your writers' block soon.

    The world needs you!

  15. @ Pro - Huh...women/men it seems. and baby, i added like 5-6 without single post. so yo! in ur face.

    @ Mark - Thank you man. i knew someone wud believe.

    @ kara - AHA! shud have know it was u. ur anyway known for ur stalking abilities ;)

    @ BlahBlah - Horlicks - Thanks buddy.

    @ Princess Fiona - Hi. I'm shrek. nice to meet u. ;)
    thank u so much.

    @ upasana - thanks a lot buddy.

    @ Nia - Ok u jus scared me there. what if i come back someday and the world doesnt know me! WHOA! thats a motivator.
    thanks buddy. :)

    @ meoww - love u u bitch. thanks. huh.

    @ confused soul - ok u fill my life with humor was a touching line. i cant thank u enuf for that.

    @ akanksha - im glad ur glad :)

    @ kanthu - finally! i was wonderin if anyone wud get it. *high5*

    @ Philo - thanks buddy...i hope so too.

    @ sharvani - he he...thanks man.

    @ Keirthana - ok girls across india are discussin me and im not even aware! ;) thank u yaar. ur a true darling.

  16. @Kalpak: Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost. Dekhta ja.

  17. so what did the aliens do to you when you were reading the newspapers and watching tv? Be strong bro.time will heal. i know it must have been scarring but life moves on.If there is a god they will be abducted and probed sexually as well one day. :D

  18. Awesome to see your post again! I am sure you in no writers' block state!
    Hopefully you will be more regular!
    I am waiting for the next post!

  19. *you are in no writers' block

  20. WAPAS AA GAYA!!!!!!
    Alien Abduction!!! I thought they would have forced u to stay back and rule over them :P
    heheh anyways welcome back sirjeeeeee!

  21. Hahaha...watching the X files for months now. So I actually believe that you were abducted by aliens. I guess, you were just too funny for them to handle or they couldn't appreciate your sense of humor.. :P

    Did you try to teach them some of the golden words? :P

  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

  23. You never know how much I missed your dosage of humor! But ahhh, you are back in style....!:)*Does a happiee dance* Keep posting regularly! Happy Blogging!

  24. You are naughty kalpak. Kinky naughty! :D But you are an AMAZING person to loose out on! :) I haven't been at your blog since ages! But irrespective of that, you should be blogging for yourself!!! Hope you inform the world well before your next writing block if at all its on the cards!

  25. hilarious portrayal yet again! Expecially the UFO part came as a subtle humour initially but then turned into avalanche later. Good to have you back dude.

  26. I gave you an award on my blog :D

  27. Haha You write some Hilarious shit my Friend :D.. \m/

  28. Hey you,

    When are you going to write again? :/

    And I have awarded you with the versatile blogger award. I request thy lordship to click here and kindly accept it. :P

  29. :D Hilarious. Yet again :D
    and I see, some really awesome awards came your way :)
    Congratulations :)

  30. Bwahahah LOVED this! I did! :D

  31. I found you on Words and your poem was awesome. Looks like you've got a nice sense of humour too. Good stuff!

  32. YO MAN! hit my blog. Something awaits you! I have mentioned you twice there by the way. :)

  33. Hey KP,

    How could you let go of this golden chance? This day..29th Feb comes once in 4 the super awesome blogger(meaning u :P) must tell us the effects/significance of this awesome day on us poor mortals...

    Or atleast type a new post and say Hi

    so that we know you are still alive :P

  34. Aliens might have kept you busy of late and there haven't been many posts. But, I can't deny that your archives have played a part in keeping me sane. Here's an award I'm passing onto you
    Thanks again.

  35. Hahaha loved this! Plus you deserve a salute for the Roadies thing! Following you up :)

  36. OMG !!!!!! That's one hillarious post .....i can't stop LOL-ing ........Aliens , scary movie 3 ..roadies what not write amazing :D ...* i am a fan already *

  37. You have been awarded. check out. :)

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