(DISCLAIMER: This post is about my trip back home to Bombay during Diwali holidays. It is not going to be one of my usual humor posts on some random topic. Since I'm not a girl, I'm sure no one cares a tiny rat's ass about what I do/did, or about some incident that happened with me. And since I'm straight, I don't prefer writing such things on my blog either. I have never treated my blog as a Dear Diary, and hence I feel I should warn my regular readers (yes, I mean all three of you) beforehand when a particular post is Dear Diary types. And in case this is your first visit to my blog, please start reading from the next post. Thank you.)
They say every city has a soul. They say you can get yourself out of the city you were born and brought up in, but you can never get the city out of you. They say Pyramids were built by aliens. They say Justin Bieber is himself/herself unsure of his/her gender. They say a lot of things actually, no one cares.
For those of you who don’t know, I was born and brought up in Bombay, and about 3 months back I moved to Baroda, in search of a better life. There are many things I want to do in life apart from working, like become an author, learn to play a Flute, experience being a teacher once (albeit part time), read a lot, waste time carelessly without feeling guilty about wasting it, buy my own car, work out and stay in shape (pfft), etc. And Bombay never gave me the time to do these things. I have described my relocating reasons in my past posts, LIFE IN A (ALMOST) METRO and LIFE IN A (ALMOST) METRO PART 2.
So this Diwali I went back home, for a good 5 days. Little did I know that a long cherished fantasy of mine would be coming true by the end of that journey; but more on that later.
The best part of my trip was meeting mom dad after a month, having maa ke haath ka khaana, meeting my friends, meeting my room, and sleeping in my bed after a really long time. On the flip side, I saw Ra.One. Twice. (This explains the title of the post.)
The thing is I had already made plan for watching Ra.One with my friends. But the day it released, my stupid narrow mind started giving me visuals of meeting people who would discuss the movie and I wouldn’t have anything to add, because I wouldn’t have seen it. This made me drag my parents to the theatre. And since the plan was already made long back with my friends, I didn’t ditch them.
Honestly speaking, I found Ra.One below average. As in, I didn’t hate it as much as everyone hates it. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad either. I call such movies, “Bearable”
The special effects were a whole new level for Bollywood, and the background score was really good.
But then again, I would really like to ask Shahrukh a few questions:
1) How can a south Indian guy have a Christian funeral upon his death?
2) How did you board a CST train from Bandra station? (It reached without crossing Wadala or Kings Circle. So any smart ass reading this, please don’t argue on the harbor line basis)
3) When the train didn’t stop at Bandra, why did one woman ask another in the train “Yeh fast train hai kya?” Don’t all trains stop at Bandra?
4) How come the whole game room was destroyed and no one came to know squat about it?
5) If your kid was crazy about villains, why did you make a game where he would play the hero?
6) If this was a movie for children, don’t you think you spanking Kareena and grabbing her boob was stretching it just a liiiiiiiiiitle bit?
7) How dare you charge yourself from hanging wires in Mumbai? It is because of such activities we face load shedding saala.
8) When Ra.One took the form of Kareena, don’t you think he’d have much better things to do than to dance with you in Chammak Challo on South Indian lyrics?
I hope Shahrukh gets some logic in place before making any other movie.
The very next day after I saw Ra.One, I was at Kurla station, and I couldn’t decide which experience was worse.
One more thing that I got to enjoy during these days was reading newspaper. Newspaper is a daily addiction for me, and I hate the English dailies in Baroda. And in one newspaper, I saw a headline that read ‘Ra.One beats Bodyguard’. I couldn’t stop laughing my ass out. ‘Why does Ra.One need a bodyguard?’
I later shared this joke with a few friends over the phone later. That was the deadliest and the coldest half minute silence I have received ever. I then realized some jokes are only meant to be kept to oneself.
The atmosphere was very euphoric in the Bhinde household when the only chirag of their house, me, was invited to write a guest post on someone else’s blog. Ok no one really cared. No one in my house actually even knows that I blog.
So Aditi Manja, a.k.a, Meoww, who is a very dear and a very old friend of mine, requested me to write a guest post on her blog. And the attention seeking whore that I am, I instantly agreed. You guys can read it here.
This guest post was the actual reason behind me writing this Dear Diary-ish post on my blog. Since I had written a guest post, I obviously needed to mention that on my blog too. And I didn’t want to make a simple, bland, one-para mention about it. So I decided to write a small, irrelevant post here, in which I would give the link to the guest post.
The day I was to board my train back to Baroda, my best friends took me to Shiv Sagar, Bandra, and we had Pav Bhaji over there. Here I need to admit one thing; nowhere will you get Pav Bhaji in this world as good as in Bombay. You might get as good Vada Pavs elsewhere, but you will never get that heavenly Pav Bhaji.
And then I boarded my train, unaware that that journey was going to change my life forever.
Kids, I have various fantasies about how I want to meet my 'the one', and one of them is meeting that someone in a train journey. Call me gay if you will (don't!), I find train journeys very romantic. And I have always had this fantasy that I am travelling alone in the train once, reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman, and on the seat opposite mine is someone I'm initially oblivious about. But then that person requests to see my book, and I happily give. I tell that person how awesome Neil Gaiman is, and then that person tells me about their favorite book or author. And an interesting, engrossing conversation commences, getting us both lost into it, so much so that we are unaware of the passing of time. The discussion moves from books to sitcoms to movies to knowing each other. My station approaches, and we exchange contacts, deciding to stay in touch.
My fantasy, exactly word to word as I just described it, came true in that Dadar Bikaner Express. However, it came true with a minor modification. The other person was a dude.
Nonetheless, I made a new friend that day. And I really like making train friends.
I would like to end this post with an amazing piece of news that I recently read. Shaukeen is one of my most favorite classic Bollywood comedies of all time. It is a story of three horny old men (Utpal Dutt, A. K. Hangal and Ashok Kumar) trying to woo a young hot girl (Rati Agnihotri). And yesterdays papers carried the news that it is going to be remade, and the star cast in the remake is like a dream cast for me. Imagine Naseeruddin Shah (the best actor ever), Rishi Kapoor and Boman Irani in the same movie, as three best friends cum horny old men. I so can’t wait for this movie. I shared this news with a few friends since I read it, and almost all of them hadn’t heard of Shaukeen ever. Embarrassing moments, such.
And yes, in case you people are planning to search ‘Shaukeen’ on YouTube, please use your search keywords properly. My friend Shefali just typed 'Shaukeen', and her exact words were ‘Haila, sab ganda ganda picture aa raha hai.’