Wednesday, November 2, 2011


(DISCLAIMER: This post is about my trip back home to Bombay during Diwali holidays. It is not going to be one of my usual humor posts on some random topic. Since I'm not a girl, I'm sure no one cares a tiny rat's ass about what I do/did, or about some incident that happened with me. And since I'm straight, I don't prefer writing such things on my blog either. I have never treated my blog as a Dear Diary, and hence I feel I should warn my regular readers (yes, I mean all three of you) beforehand when a particular post is Dear Diary types. And in case this is your first visit to my blog, please start reading from the next post. Thank you.)

They say every city has a soul. They say you can get yourself out of the city you were born and brought up in, but you can never get the city out of you. They say Pyramids were built by aliens. They say Justin Bieber is himself/herself unsure of his/her gender. They say a lot of things actually, no one cares.

For those of you who don’t know, I was born and brought up in Bombay, and about 3 months back I moved to Baroda, in search of a better life. There are many things I want to do in life apart from working, like become an author, learn to play a Flute, experience being a teacher once (albeit part time), read a lot, waste time carelessly without feeling guilty about wasting it, buy my own car, work out and stay in shape (pfft), etc. And Bombay never gave me the time to do these things. I have described my relocating reasons in my past posts, LIFE IN A (ALMOST) METRO and LIFE IN A (ALMOST) METRO PART 2.

So this Diwali I went back home, for a good 5 days. Little did I know that a long cherished fantasy of mine would be coming true by the end of that journey; but more on that later.

The best part of my trip was meeting mom dad after a month, having maa ke haath ka khaana, meeting my friends, meeting my room, and sleeping in my bed after a really long time. On the flip side, I saw Ra.One. Twice. (This explains the title of the post.)

The thing is I had already made plan for watching Ra.One with my friends. But the day it released, my stupid narrow mind started giving me visuals of meeting people who would discuss the movie and I wouldn’t have anything to add, because I wouldn’t have seen it. This made me drag my parents to the theatre. And since the plan was already made long back with my friends, I didn’t ditch them.

Honestly speaking, I found Ra.One below average. As in, I didn’t hate it as much as everyone hates it. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad either. I call such movies, “Bearable”

The special effects were a whole new level for Bollywood, and the background score was really good.

But then again, I would really like to ask Shahrukh a few questions:

1) How can a south Indian guy have a Christian funeral upon his death?

2) How did you board a CST train from Bandra station? (It reached without crossing Wadala or Kings Circle. So any smart ass reading this, please don’t argue on the harbor line basis)

3) When the train didn’t stop at Bandra, why did one woman ask another in the train “Yeh fast train hai kya?” Don’t all trains stop at Bandra?

4) How come the whole game room was destroyed and no one came to know squat about it?

5) If your kid was crazy about villains, why did you make a game where he would play the hero?

6) If this was a movie for children, don’t you think you spanking Kareena and grabbing her boob was stretching it just a liiiiiiiiiitle bit?

7) How dare you charge yourself from hanging wires in Mumbai? It is because of such activities we face load shedding saala.

8) When Ra.One took the form of Kareena, don’t you think he’d have much better things to do than to dance with you in Chammak Challo on South Indian lyrics?

I hope Shahrukh gets some logic in place before making any other movie.

The very next day after I saw Ra.One, I was at Kurla station, and I couldn’t decide which experience was worse.

One more thing that I got to enjoy during these days was reading newspaper. Newspaper is a daily addiction for me, and I hate the English dailies in Baroda. And in one newspaper, I saw a headline that read ‘Ra.One beats Bodyguard’. I couldn’t stop laughing my ass out. ‘Why does Ra.One need a bodyguard?’

I later shared this joke with a few friends over the phone later. That was the deadliest and the coldest half minute silence I have received ever. I then realized some jokes are only meant to be kept to oneself.

The atmosphere was very euphoric in the Bhinde household when the only chirag of their house, me, was invited to write a guest post on someone else’s blog. Ok no one really cared. No one in my house actually even knows that I blog.

So Aditi Manja, a.k.a, Meoww, who is a very dear and a very old friend of mine, requested me to write a guest post on her blog. And the attention seeking whore that I am, I instantly agreed. You guys can read it here.

This guest post was the actual reason behind me writing this Dear Diary-ish post on my blog. Since I had written a guest post, I obviously needed to mention that on my blog too. And I didn’t want to make a simple, bland, one-para mention about it. So I decided to write a small, irrelevant post here, in which I would give the link to the guest post.

The day I was to board my train back to Baroda, my best friends took me to Shiv Sagar, Bandra, and we had Pav Bhaji over there. Here I need to admit one thing; nowhere will you get Pav Bhaji in this world as good as in Bombay. You might get as good Vada Pavs elsewhere, but you will never get that heavenly Pav Bhaji.

And then I boarded my train, unaware that that journey was going to change my life forever.

Kids, I have various fantasies about how I want to meet my 'the one', and one of them is meeting that someone in a train journey. Call me gay if you will (don't!), I find train journeys very romantic. And I have always had this fantasy that I am travelling alone in the train once, reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman, and on the seat opposite mine is someone I'm initially oblivious about. But then that person requests to see my book, and I happily give. I tell that person how awesome Neil Gaiman is, and then that person tells me about their favorite book or author. And an interesting, engrossing conversation commences, getting us both lost into it, so much so that we are unaware of the passing of time. The discussion moves from books to sitcoms to movies to knowing each other. My station approaches, and we exchange contacts, deciding to stay in touch.

My fantasy, exactly word to word as I just described it, came true in that Dadar Bikaner Express. However, it came true with a minor modification. The other person was a dude.

Nonetheless, I made a new friend that day. And I really like making train friends.

I would like to end this post with an amazing piece of news that I recently read. Shaukeen is one of my most favorite classic Bollywood comedies of all time. It is a story of three horny old men (Utpal Dutt, A. K. Hangal and Ashok Kumar) trying to woo a young hot girl (Rati Agnihotri). And yesterdays papers carried the news that it is going to be remade, and the star cast in the remake is like a dream cast for me. Imagine Naseeruddin Shah (the best actor  ever), Rishi Kapoor and Boman Irani in the same movie, as three best friends cum horny old men. I so can’t wait for this movie. I shared this news with a few friends since I read it, and almost all of them hadn’t heard of Shaukeen ever. Embarrassing moments, such.

And yes, in case you people are planning to search ‘Shaukeen’ on YouTube, please use your search keywords properly. My friend Shefali just typed 'Shaukeen', and her exact words were ‘Haila, sab ganda ganda picture aa raha hai.’


  1. May I say that was one stupendous, fantabulous post and guest post.. WOW..!!
    They can do pretty stupid mistakes in movies.. Sharukh Khan seems to be delusional in his recent movies..
    And I hope you meet that girl in the train someday soon.. :) :)
    take care.. :) :)

  2. heheheheheheheheeh NEIL GAIMAN..really? HEHEHEHEH nice fantasy eh boy! You will definitely get a geeky chick :P.I want a geek? Hmmmmm..

    Waise I loved the pointers about Ra.One. But the first point! A south Indian guy could be christian too right? Like I am Hindu but many of my Mlalu friends are christian. I havent seen Ra.One so I have no idea which south Indie guy u talking about.
    I loved your fantasy..hehehehehe

  3. Poopy-head...I've been given a new name by supernickkk...DIGS stick to that henceforth....I have my RA-one experience to put up also man....mind numbing it it was bearable to you was beyond me!!! How come no mention of your fav words here:'your thing', 'poop', 'hot girl'? Post adhora hai yaar uske bina...tch tch

  4. Now I have another reason not to watch Ra-one.But then how can you spend so much money and make a movie with a crappy story line?I want to see it to believe it :D :D...

    Meeting someone on train..Hmmm...Reminds me of the movie "Varanam Aayiram"...Google it up..

    Neil Gaiman,is one of my favourite authors too.So @RedHanded I cannot giggle with you this once ;-)

  5. I think I may have some answers for you:
    1. There are many South Indian christians. Even amongst Tamilians.

    3. Some fast trains don't halt at Borivali and Bandra. They are called Double Fast. :P

    5. To try to get him to switch sides? :D

    I loved the guest post as well as this one! Did you tell your train friend about your fantasy? I'm sure he'd freak out. :P

  6. Did you take off the top commentor widget??????!

  7. You saw ra.One twice??? :O

    And the funniest part was "haila, sab ganda ganda picture aa raha hai! " :P

    And, even I have this weird fantasy of meeting my "one".... but I won't share it and make a fool of myself! :P

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  9. You spoilt Ra.One for me, but after a lot of reviews I wasn't going to watch it anyway :P ...Well a south Indian can have a christian funeral. I hail from the south, but I'm a christian, so obv I'll have a christian funeral.. Point no. 7 was LOL :D .. Btw guest post was fatte tp man! :D

  10. hahahahaha twice really?? I decided not to watch it the moment I saw the promos ! I only watch movies in theatre if people say its a good one! BEcause I cant bear a bad movie and I hate walking out ! (trust me when I say I spent the last 200 bucks of my pocket money on ghajini n didn't like it ! )

    point 2 and 3 seriously?? I didn't know and it really was dumb on the part of the movie makers!

    And yes now I m eager to see what this shaukeen is :P :P

  11. my god-that's the most sensible random post in a long time-and reallyyyyyyyy people haven't heard of Shaukeen?????it's like a bible for boys of all age groups:-)although going by the Naseer n Vidya chemistry I am sure they'll rope her in again!:-)

    and that "why does Ra-one need a bodyguard?" waala thingy was noce-lemme share it with friends and then enjoy some silence-especially of the noisier and verbally abusive ones;)

    can't comment on the Ra-one pointers coz have not seen the film and thanks to reviews like this and ghastlier ones-i think i would let it pass-Billu Barber, that stupid haule-haule flick and then one more last ones of Shahrukh anyways clubbed him with Salman in reproducing the crappiest stuff category!

    sooooooooo enjoyed the read!

  12. and about that train journey fantasy-you soooooooo reminded me of my own and though i normally don't leave stupid links-i couldn't resist this one:

  13. wokayyyy
    phirsshht of all..
    KP..Honey..sorry i wasn't the phirsshht one to comment..
    well you know it all..
    hmm once agaun thank you for the guest post..:):):)one good you have finally done in your life :D:D:D

    and i had already told you..
    you are mad to watch that silly movie Twice..:D

    a masst time we had na..with Adi the Crazy Man :P

    owwwwwwww..soooo this was the friend you were talking about..
    now m not jealoua at all..
    khi khi khiii

    cheers budddddy..!!!!

  14. Ayi Sala!! I hope they make the movie properly, I have not watched Shaukeen so I should hold back and not watch as yet.

    BTW, in this part of the woods, antim sanskar is done electronically, that's why they charred the body electronically...*whatever the angrezi term is for that process*...But I wonder how did you not ask about talking in HINDI in a LONDON based software company, not involving any business leads in the design process and releasing a freaking game just because his son wanted? And, who the hell eats noodles with curd? WTF moment was that in the movie.

    And train friends :D hmmmm....I have not made any trains friends as yet...

    You should get a prize free for watching Ra-One twice...what say, I follow you now :P And dude, I did laugh at the Boduguard JOKE :D

  15. Ah..train friends..Oh how well I can connect to your fantasy of meeting "the one" ! I have experienced it and let me tell you it wasn't as exciting as I thought it to be..unfortunately even after exchanging numbers and handsomeness of the guy..I got bored quite soon :P

    Between awesome post..enjoyed reading it :)

  16. @ Arpita: thank u so much. and ya, i hope so too :)

    @ red: neil gaiman is the best author ever. did u find it funny cos it sounds like gay-man??

    @ skinny dragon: i dnt care. u'll always be skinny dragon for me. "I saw a hot girl, after which my thing pooped" There. Happy? :D

    @ blue lotus : hi5 buddy. neil gaiman rocks :)

    @ loony: justifying Ra.One???!!!! Really??!!!

    @ paanipuri lover: arre bindaas share it. its fun to make a fool of your own self sometimes.

    @ confused soul :thank u so much buddy :)

    @ maithili: yaa re is actually dumb in places. do watch shuakeen. its a classic

    @ suruchi: thank u so much. and finally, someone who knows and has seen shaukeen :)
    I have never been a fan of SRK, but i believe he has good potential if used well. He over-acts too much. i only like his swades and chak de

    @ aditi: hmmmm...why wud u be jealous in the first place anyway?? u have a guy na. idiot. i know im too good, but still. shaa. ;D

    @ blunt blogger: so true man. so true. its like the more u analyze the movie, the crappier it gets.
    and in his funeral, they all were dressed in black. SRK's body was in a three piece suit.

    @ richa sharma: hmmmm....dont worry my child...maybe ur destined to meet ur someone somewhere else :)
    thank u

    @ ALL OF YOU: SRK was shown praying in a small wall hanging temple in his house. so he definitely wasnt a christian. and his funeral was not the electric wala, cos it was a proper coffin, all were dressed in black, and SRK's body was in a three piece suit. :)

  17. You forgot the scene with SRK's ashes in the urn.

  18. i could guess that you are a very patient to analyse such a movie and post questions.......hmmm.....


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