Sunday, November 20, 2011

THE MOTHER OF ALL GUEST POSTS (a.k.a. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!) PART 2



Mrs Suruchi is the choti bahu of Arora khandaan by day, and Blog Queen by night. I must admit here that I visited her blog too late; much later than when she and I started chatting in my comments. And when I did, I badly regretted not been having following her yet. She’s an amazing writer, one who leaves you wanting for more. All her write ups are interesting to the core, and real fun reads.
Su is one of the few bloggers that I really wish I get to meet someday, because she seems like one helluva company.
You’re a real sweetheart, Su.
Her contribution post, irrespective of your gender or sexual orientation, is bound to turn you on.
Presenting the guest contribution by Suruchi:
The Bitchy Art of Seduction at Play!

Well, what began as a normal day at the gym, soon became the record breaking hottest day for the gym-vaasis. A smouldering new entrant in her itsy bitsy track suit made a majestic appearance and suddenly the treadmill scuttling at the speed of 10.5 was not fast enough to match with the near exploding pace of the heartbeats of the ‘man’kind present there. “Who issssssss that girl?” was the question that boggled most of the male and female kinds within 10 meters of her radius for even though most of us adorned our sexiest sport gears or so we thought for using that unisex time slot, we appeared shabby before that Greek goddess of sorts. A couple of the not-so- fair-in-the fairer sex were eyeing the damsel up and down so intently that I almost wondered about their sexual preferences. And another couple of them who were the hitherto reigning uncrowned gym queens were burning with envy or was that rage and their expressions indicated that if you’d touch them you might be electrocuted.

Okay, after such a build up, obviously you want to know about the girl-small of frame but big of assets and as we all concur-size does matter. Chalo, this should get our male readers to read on. She must be 5.5” and in early twenty something, dressed in leotards that fitted so snugly at the right contours, that they seemed like second skin for her. The art of dressing is also really an art, the real skill comprises in revealing what you are showing to be hiding er, did you get that? Well, I didn’t-I am adding it because it sounds quite profound!

So, while all of us pragmatic females tied up our hair in a make-do bunch at the top of our dumb heads to escape the heat, Madam, left her tresses wantonly open, the soft curls seductively covering the better part of her back till her well-endowed bottom. It reminded me of some fierce Maenad from Greek mythology who was so drunk in her devotion to her Lord Bacchus that she cared not how the locks of her hair alluring fell over her gleaming skin. Ah! But the lady in question was not so naive. She fully knew the effect she was having and “performed” more intently to ensure she got a “standing” ovation from those who personify the ‘I-am-only-human waala excuse’. Right from the gym members to the trainers and the cleaners-sab ki band bajee hue the ya nikal pade the, it was difficult to fathom. You know that gaping mouth expression where you can’t make up your mind if the person is happy, shocked or devastated?

Oh, did I use the word ‘covering’ somewhere above? Tch, tch, how silly of me! Well, she didn’t believe in that for every now and then she would casually put all her hair on one shoulder to make sure everyone caught a glimpse of her bare nape and the deep neck of her t-shirt from behind. What a lesson it was that day for us and I don’t mean here the lessons given in the aerobic moves!

I could feel everything moving in slow motion like in Hindi movies, when the guy and the girl are running towards each other with effortful rising of hands and legs, heads moving from side to side as the body goes slowly up and down with background score of ‘la la la la’ to match. Same was the case in this turf-those raising the dumbbells forgot that they had to bring the hands down also and the one on the cycle was paddling with such soft motions as though he was taking a nap between each rotation of the wheel. The cleaner boy kept cleaning the same spot of the mirror for what seemed like eternity and I thought the poor looking glass was going to fade away with the sweeps that day.

This was awesome for me. I suddenly lost count of the crunches I was doing as I joined the jing bang in eyeing her. And before you doubt MY tendencies-phuleeeeeezeee, I was doing it for you guys to be able to reproduce this here later to tickle your funny bones too. I have always been inclined towards constructive learning and this was an educative experience of how conniving and artificial a drop dead gorgeous stunner could be! Please stop sniffing around for jealousy A lesson learnt in addition-Men also go dumb when they are blinded by the sight of sex-in-a-jumpsuit.

While at 7 am like in the bloody good early morning, while most of the lesser mortals could barely wash their face or brush their teeth to smell tolerable before finding themselves being ground on the treadmill, our little Miss Minx had kaajal smeared eyes that could put Aishwarya Rai to shame and smelt of something no lesser than Channel No. 5 to rightly reinstate the effect.

I observed her game as I watched her moves. She took her place right at the centre of the hall from where she would be visible to all and sundry. She made sure she eyed herself sexily and completely in the mirrors all around. As she would bend down her knees, she would deliberately protrude her bums out, jutting out dangerously almost like the backlights of a truck-making some guys horny and some guys sweat, although they hadn’t even begun the work out yet. Then she slowly moved her hands up her sides suggestively and placed them on her teeny weenie waist. When she touched her toes, she made sure that she stayed in that position for a tad extra seconds, till her rear side had done sufficient damage to the environment.

And then came beads of sweat trickling down her own tiny frame and she picked up a hand towel. While we normally press the napkin in rough side to side motions to hasten the process, madam gently dabbed and pressed and rubbed it on her cheeks, taking it slowly down her nape, neck and upper chest. As her bosom heaved, the action had an equal and opposite reaction from the rippling chest muscles of the six-pack superior sex, watching it all “Live”.

Then madam got on to the tread mill and make no mistake, it was a catwalk that could give the top models their run for the money. And then lo, behold a frown on that sculpted face! What on earth could have caused it despite the obvious swoon all over? And she blurted out huskily to the boy instructor, “Raaayjuuuu....” Well for all of us normal humans, we’d call out this simple common place name ‘Raju’ and for the Punjabi mundas there, it is just ‘oye Raaaju’. But madam had to stretch and prolong and heavily accent the name, so much that Raaayjuuu, appeared in a jiffy before his highness, like a domesticated puppy minus the tongue lolling out or was it really?

Madam had a problem with the music-so changed it was! Had she had a problem with the arrangement of the equipments, I am sure the guys would have not hesitated to pick up one each and come to rescue the damsel in distress.

So ten minutes passed away like this and then she got down from the treadmill, bending her head down and brushing through her hair with skilful fingers, apparently to let some air in. Phew! I had had enough too. I needed to breathe in some air myself. The adaayein of the ultimate seductress were being dissected by the women folk as the tacky ways of the ultimate bitch. Whatever, she was much like the sizzler platter, hot and fresh out of the oven- you might not be able to have it but you can’t escape the steam it generated!

As for me, I couldn’t help wonder at how ridiculous that was and what motives could possibly provoke such deliberate nonsense. Also I shuddered to think that this ‘drill’ would be in encore mode from that day on and desperately hoped that the men and women there might gradually become immune to the disaster that had struck. Thank god for wishful thinking! ;)


This little muggle here is very special to me, because she was my first blogger friend ever. She hates being called a kiddo, and hence I love calling her that. Once while chatting, she told me ‘If you whisper the word ‘parachute’, it sounds like an abuse too’. Now this girl has a really cute voice on the phone, so I imagined her telling me this in her voice, and couldn’t stop laughing.
One thing we both share is the burning desire to be authors, and we both are helping each other push for the same. I don’t know about myself, but I sure hope someday there is a book, the cover of which would read ‘A crappy story – by Sneha Pillai’
She is one of the few village women who actually understood the word ‘para’ and has contributed accordingly. Her para is a praises-galore write up for me, and hence I strongly recommend you all to read it.
Presenting the guest contribution by Loony:
I am clueless as to what to write in a chindi sa para space that he has offered me in his blog. Hmph. But since he is my only good friend amongst bloggers, I decided to use this opportunity to take his case. *wicked grin* 

His blog title always reminds me of my Gujju neighbours who live upstairs and their sparkling silver vessels. And he is the only Gujju I know who is ever-ready to take his own case. :P I really hate his blog. I hate his blog, cos I know he’s one of the best writers in the blogosphere. When I read his blog for the first time, I thought he was a copywriter. When I found out he worked for Shankar’s package (if you edit this, I’ll KEEELL you!), I realised how stupid he was. And then I read his short story and poems, and I knew that he was way WAY stupider for not even trying to get them published! 

I am glad I found a friend in him. For more than a critic, I found a listener and a person who can instantly make me laugh. His romantic ideas maybe over the clouds, and his “pota-poti ko bolunga” dreams weirdly funny, but then those are a few other endearing qualities about him. 


*If I feel like re-writing the whole thing tomorrow or day after, allow me to do that. :D


Now who doesn’t know who Red Handed is? (That was not a rhetorical question praising you Red. It was an actual question. And the answer is, no one knows who Red Handed is)
Red Handed falls in the league of those extra ordinary bloggers who have followers enough to form a political party. If I write a post, and give a gap of around five days before the next, then somehow these days my post manages to get some 40-ish comments over those five days. When she writes a post, the next day she will have 40-ish comments (*&^#@!*@^&#(!)
But she deserves that. She is one of the funniest people in the blogosphere and has a huge fan following. Red and I usually chat in the most primitive manner. I send her an e-mail, and she replies by e-mail. I know her to a certain extent as a person, and she seems great that way too.
Presenting the guest contribution by Red Handed:
So Facebook is killing me and Twitter is messing up my mindframe too. Life was so awesome when you used to open Orkut or Facebook and you could see what is happening in your life and what your friends are upto. Stalking was fun and social networking sites were absolute bliss. But now look at the new changes! Now when I open facebook I see that my friend has liked the status of someone named AJEENOMOTO. Why am I bombarded with what my friend does with her friends? All I want is to know what my friend is upto and not about the statuses and pictures of someone who I have no interest on and has the name AJEENOMOTO!
About Twitter now! Whenever I get into twitter, I see random retweets which actually I wouldn’t have a problem with if they were funny or humourous quotes. But what I get to read are astrology tweets and sad love quotes which I seriously don’t give a shit about. Also twitter has turned into Yahoo chatroom now! Also people these days reply to tweets by their friends only by attaching the tweets of the guy they are replying to. Why do I care? Why am I forced to read it?
Okie I don’t want privacy because if I believed in it I wouldn’t have joined a social networking site. But I request these social networking sites to expose my intricate life details to only my friends and vice versa. I don’t want to know what AJEENOMOTO is upto nor do I want AJEENOMOTO to know what I am upto.


I have apologized Nirvana in the beginning of this post, and I do it again. Nirvana, I’m genuinely sorry for missing you out in the list.
Nirvana is an amazing writer, a fact that I unfortunately realized very late. I don’t know her beyond blogging, so I can’t talk much about her. I am just deeply thankful to her for sending her contribution in spite of the fact that I missed out her name.
Presenting the guest contribution by Nirvana:
"I thrive on appreciation" ......... the words mean less than the context - atleast in this case. A candidly made profound remark by a friend....Why did such a simple statement get engraved in my memory? Well, I AGREE - thats why!! And I believe I speak for 96.45 % of all human population.

Where did I get the figures from? Nowhere - I just liked the numbers, and wanted to sound important. But my guess is that I am pretty close to the actual number there!

How many of us have had that deflating moment, when someone did not give us that pat on the back, or that smile or that nod of the head, which says that it was worth it? I can count a million moments where I have pushed the limits of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion only to reach the other end of the tunnel and see a certain someone give me a smile of appreciation. And the walk back home at the end of the grueling day just got breezier!

Also stamped into the pages of my biography (just wait till I write THAT one out!) are the times when a certain someone just chose to ignore all the effort, and concentrate on the "professional" criticism that they thought was apt for the situation. Which of them helped me to grow?

Well, honestly, both of them! I grew every time a mentor nurtured my spirit. But I also grew when I realized how NOT to react to bubbly young minds - from the latter experiences. I am now sensitized to these "strokes" as we trainers like to call them..... and they have never let me down.

I have been very lucky to have worked with some of the most mature mentors in my trade, and the biggest lesson I have learnt is that success come with its price tag attached - the price tag you can choose to ignore and become arrogant, or choose to pay back to others just like you and remain rooted to the ground!! Thank you to all my teachers, mentors, friends who taught me everything, and thank you to all the students who taught me to look at that price tag!


Life is full of compromises. And formalities. When I was making the list of people whose guest paras are going to be compulsory, I thought to myself ‘Aditi ka naam dalu kya? Wo saali guarantee kuch bada-chauda likh ke bhejegi. Chod yaar, daal de naam. Warna royegi saali. Dimaag chaategi’
They say we normally tend to take people closest to us for granted. And that is what I do a lot with her. I could officially apologize to her here, now. But chuck it. I take her for granted yet again.
I have already written a whole post on her blog describing her, and the friendship we share, so I’m not wasting any space for her here.
And I’m sure had I not included her name, she would have still sent me the guest contribution, as she wouldn’t want to lose out on the opportunity of sleeping with me. (Sorry Mr. Maverick. If you’re planning on bashing me up, let me tell you you’re a basketball player, and back in school I was a district level shot-put champ. So my balls are way too harder)
Presenting the guest contribution by Aditi (Meoww), whatever!:
(People, she has written a full on ego boosting post for me, so please read it)
When kp told me recently his idea of requesting for a guest post..
And after he described how he is going to compile different guest posts from all his readers
And write a single post with everything under the same roof..
And after he said how grateful he was that he has so many followers and this is his way of expressing his gratitude towards each one of them..
And that he was indeed grateful that all his blogger friends love him so much and
All that jazz..
I just closed my eyes hearing all those words pouring out of his mouth and thought..
“Saala..What a show off. ”
So what kp..??huh huh huh??!!! I know you have more followers than me.
I know people leave hoardes of comments on your various posts saying you are sooofunyy and soooocoooll..andsoooooblablabla..(I do too by the way)
SO WHAAAAATTTTT ????
*pointing fingers ACP Pradyuman style * :D:D:D
You don’t need to gloat so much on that note..
And you don’t need to remind it to me everytime  in those stoooopid conversations you keep bringing up on Whatsapp.

*sighhhhhh*
Now that I have written to my heart’s content I shall begin your guest post..
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Heeeeheeeeeeeeeeeee
So here’s the preface JJJ
Hmm..so..i was actually scratching my head thinking what should I write for him.
I am not a great writer  to write some amazing short story.
I am not a prolific poet to dish up a few lines of poetry.
Hell ; I don’t have any exquisite writing skills as such.
Also he had explained our story beautifully in the guest post he had written for me.
So obviously I was sure I couldn’t come up with anything better.
Then after too much thinking and dilly dallying jumping to conclusions about my inability to think at all..
I had my eureka moment..!!!!!!!
I thought why not write something about him.
Well given the fact that I am his oldest friend out here..more like a school uniform buddy..hehe
And his best friend..
And off course the golden privilege of being his PhirssshhtttGurrrrrlllllPhraaandddd..loll
I thought I can take the liberty to write something about him.
A don’t worry Kp..i am not going to write any kachra..
Wokayyyy..??!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Decode Your Phunnyyymaaannnnn :D
Everybody out here knows that Kp has an amazing sense of humour. He definitely has. He can crack you up anytime in the conversation. You will end up clutching your tummy out of pain due to continuous laughter reading his posts and will have tears in your eyes thanks to laughing your ass off.
But what people don’t know about ; is the other side of Mr.KalpakBhinde..which I am going to reveal in a tell all biopgraphy…!!!! *wicked grin* muhahahahahahahaa
·         He is an extremely romantic person.
Yes I can say it confidently cos I was at the receiving end of his mushiness for 5 odd days of my life.. (the 6th day I broke up..!! hehehe..no its got nothing to do with his traits..thats another story altogether.!!)
·         He will do whatever it takes to make his girl happy. He has this nice cute side hidden behind him which when revealed to his girl ; she will feel complete  bliss .
·         He is someone you would love introduce to your momma..No he won’t open his blabbermouth in front of her. He will be like this ideal decent respectful guy making her wonder if all good qualities (from a mother’s point of view) were showered upon him by
God Uncle.:P:D
·         He is superb with compliments. He will make you feel on top of the world with all his kind words and trust me he means all of that.
·         He calls a spade a spade. Despite knowing my famous temper he still takes the risk of being an honest critique to everything I do. Well given the fact that he is my best friend he obviously has these rights. :)         
·         He will rarely get angry or upset with you for anything as such. His patience with things is commendable.(which is exactly opposite of mine :D )
·         He won’t show if he is feeling low or sad. It will take ages probably to dig it out of him and still he will be like..”haanthikhaina..i am all fine” ..which obviously is bull shit.
·         His friends mean his life to him. He takes real pride in all of his buddies. It makes him happy to see them happy.
·         He knows me inside out (keep your pervert minds away for now :P:P:P)
He can catch it in a second if I am upset or mind-fucked. He will give me left and right if he feels I have done something stoopid or wrong or plain pathetic. He totally has full rights whatsoever for that.
·         He is super easy to gel with, a very easy going guy, a friend you can rely upon and who will cheer up your day like no one else can.. ^_^
Hmmm..i think I can go on for a longer time..but then when I told him my Guest Para would be longer instead of expressing the deepest gratitude..he threatened me saying I would hog all the space in his post and I better cut It down..
*sigh* mere anmol shabdon ki kadar hi nai hai..
So on this note I Shall Stop :|


Now this one here is a real cute blogger. A few days back I used to have a ‘top commentors’ widget. I don’t anymore because its accuracy sucked. But one day, when I opened my blog, there was suddenly a new name in the top commentors. And that too on number one spot. And it was Confused Soul.
I used to think she’s a good writer, but I was mistaken. I read her Fibonacci Sonnet and concluded she is a great writer. She has recently copied my idea of making a guest post collage on her blog too. Don’t send her any contribution, okay?
I once again apologize, Shreya, for missing you out in the list. And thanks a million for the guest post.
Presenting the guest contribution by Confused Soul:
Aaah when Mr. Funny Guy Kalpak announced his idea of guest posts, I was more than thrilled to write one. But then the happiness was short-lived because he didn’t mention me in his list. :( .. Yeah being one of his top commenter’s, and having an amazing blog myself …*ahem ahem* ;) he STILL doesn’t think I should write a post for him.. Also I just realized I have absolutely no chance of sleeping with this guy.. Aaaah what a loss! :P .. Not mine, HIS!! :D ..
So since I wasn’t getting anything at all, I decided I’d just go ahead and write this.. Well I aint any good at humor but yes I love to write and you can find me on A WalkAcross The Bridge… Thoda publicity toh banta hai na? :P …. Anyway, I’ll cut the crap and be nice.. Thanks Kalpak for giving me a little space here and I hope you’ll return the favor SOON :D ..  *I absolutely LOVE your blog* :)


RATHER RANDOM THINGS
The feeling sets in that you're simply not happy.
You got everything you need to be happy, but you just are not.
SOMETHING is definitely missing.
You're unable to pin-point what this thing is....or maybe there are too many things to point out.

Either ways, you're not happy; what do you do about it?
You decide that maybe you're just feeling lonely.
You pick up the phone and think of someone to call.
Strangely enough, however full your telephone diary is, you can’t seem to find one person who you can call and tell that you're feeling lonely.
You just can’t find that one person.
Maybe that's what's missing.

You try to recall what you did to drive away this sinking feeling earlier.
You're sure that you haven't been feeling it all your life.
You recall the names and numbers of some of those people you felt comfortable calling even at midnight just to announce that you can't sleep...or that you're bored.
You think of calling them again, but you decide against it.
You wonder if you might be disturbing them.
After all, they unlike you might not be feeling lonely.
No, you should not disturb them.

You keep the phone back down.
You sink into your sofa, and you realize that it’s not just the sofa you're sinking into, you're sinking randomly.
Below everything, far below............................

10) Nikhil:

This fatso here is another one of my school time best friends. We have some really great memories together.
He is one of the most creative and artistic people I know in real life. In fact, he doesn’t know this yet, but the day I write my book and some publisher agrees to make losses for his firm, I am going to get my cover designed from Nikhil.
Of course if my book becomes popular I will stop recognizing him.
Nikhil is one of the few people who I have known the longest in my life. We were in the same division in school, so that means I practically know him since I was in KG. We became best friends when we were in Eighth standard though. We both call each other ‘Bhaise’, out of sheer hatred.
Presenting the guest contribution by Nikhil:
Vikram and Gaytal.
Given the task to bring back a certain vicious spirit back to a tantric, King Vikram walked into the graveyard on a stormy night. 
Little did he know about the viciousness of the spirit, vicious homosexuality that is. 
He could see a dead body hanging by the tree, illuminated by the occasional lightning.
“Haw haw haw” the creature laughed its gay sinister laugh. It was combing its hair when King Vikram approached it.
‘Vicky Darling, take me away from these dry branches, its damaging to my skin.’  
King Vikram, stood aghast as it jumped on vikram’s back, legs wrapped around him and its face dangerously close to his cheeks.
“Honey, you gotta answer my questions, and if you do know the answer and keep quiet, I will make love to you.” its vocal chords resonated like a maniac.
Creeped out vikram nodded and they proceeded towards the gate while the creature started bitching about rude attendants at the Versace outlet.


One more post to go my friend. Do not give up now. You can do it buddy. You have read it so far. Drink some water and get back. Darr ke aage jeet hai. Just one more post to go.

14 comments:

  1. @Surchi- TCH TCH TCH..Why dont I have such TEEKHI NAmoonies in my gym :( Or why am i not the teekhi namooni :P..And raaayjuuuu cracked me up..gaahahah I adore thee woman!
    @Loony- POTA POTI ko bolunga? Really? gehehehehehehe! Maja aa gaye re padke!!! She really is a sweetheart , this LOONY :D
    @Kalpak- Itna pyaala sa intro!! I think if I dont get a job, tum sab logon ko milake I shall make a political pardy!! KHOONI HATH political party :P...and primitive form ??hehehehehe I adore you Mister Kalpak and I wish I could think f the ideas that touch ur brains and end up as blogposts. I looove ur GODS ON FB wala post.
    @Nirvana- The price tag and the way to look at it and utilize it...sigh! I wish I learn it fast..I mean real fast
    @Meoww- PHHIIIRSTGAARLFRIENDDD...Mister wolverine looks also very cute btw. I must confess here. Really adorable..chalo I AM WINKING AT U NOW!!Pls have a crush on me :P..and about his being funny attitude..ooooooh he does crack you up and I must say he is the funniest guy I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. yes yes yes.U ARE MY TOP 1 ..ten on ten mere boss! TEN ON TEN for u!
    @Confused soul- That was one of the best post of urs. Real stuff and spoke my mind out. Now I think twice before ringing up someone and sometimes I SINK too!
    @Nikhil- Hhahah gave a new meaning and life to the old laidback low story :D

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  2. Wow, I have read too much for today! xD You could make a book out of this! :P And anyway, WOW @ Pradeeta Mishra. I am flabbergasted. I never thought I'd meet someone who practices the Craft here. And I'm not out of my broom closet as of yet but nevertheless. I love her blog. :) And I'm just learning Tarots too, so yeah! :P And love all the posts. They're awesome! :D Esp Suruchi's! XD Love, love love! :)

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  3. @Suruchi...Haaaaaaayyyyyyyye..!!!
    even i was breathing in sighs and oohs throughout the post..!!!
    kya likhaaaaaaaaaa hai..!!!
    massttt...!!!
    cheers!!

    @Loony..aawwiiieee sooo uctee..:):):):)
    masstt u have writtne...chane ke jhaad pe chada diya KP ko..!!
    heehehe...
    cheers!!

    @RED..bwahahahahaa...AJEENOMOTO..!!!
    lets say it together and then clap our hands and then do the zombie dance..:D:D:D:D:D
    okkk..i have once again proved the fact that i go bonkers with laughter when i read such posts of yours..!! mwaahhhhhh
    cheers !!

    @Nirvana..okkk..that was so true..Strokes..!! perfect..
    now i am damn damn damn curious to know..plsss tell me your proffession..i will be super super glad to know more..cos i myself am inclined towards such things..!!
    cheers!!

    @meoww..you are so cute meoww..hehehe..:D:D:D
    yess people..i am talking to myself out here ^_^

    @Confused Soul..hard hitting post my dear..
    nice work
    cheers!!

    @nikhiluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...helyooooooooo
    haahha..u still remain as funny as everrr!!
    cheers !!

    @KP..You
    !@#$%^)(*&^%!@#$%&^%$@#$%^&)(^*&^%$@#$%^*
    you have missed out the last few lines of my guest para..
    saaaaaaaaaaaalaaa
    and what chavanni ka introduction you have given..
    tu bombay aa..phir dekhti hu..
    grrrrr
    still..loveuuuuuuu :D:D:D:D:D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Arey yaar! Almost everyone has written loooooooooooooooong posts and I was worrying about writing 4 small paragraphs, when you had asked for one :) I doubt if you are lying like that guy in the Glucose perk ad, after carving all of these on that wall that you 'erected' (Eye for an eye, Kalpak :P)

    I wish I could comment on each write-up, but they are all so awesome that I can impartially say you got the mother-lode by asking these people to write for you. What mind-boggling writings man. I am exhausted reading them. *Taking some glucose* :)

    And Meoww, Thanks for letting out the other side of Kalpak. Hard to imagine, yet I take your word for it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. YES WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!!!!
    itneee saare posts ek saath daal diye so that weekend pe insaan aur kuch na kare-bas read your space!

    and you started me with MRS Suruchi-schheee-pehle he satyanaash kar diya! but koi na, the rest of the stuff quite made up for it*blowing French kisses to you-as weird as that entire phrase sounds*...but then I realized you had good things to say for everyone-sigh!Loads of competition!!!! Thank you again for giving me space here:-)And woh paragraph bola jab previous post mein-then you left it with so much ambiguity baba-so the fault is yours that women sent you such longish posts!:-)

    Now,
    @Red-I hope you don't have to bear AJEENOMOTTO any more and neither the DAALCHINI or GARAM MASAALA(hey that's a nice name by the way):p

    @Sneha,
    Thanks for telling me he is Gujju-I often wondered about his name-KALPAK-meaning "mature tomorrow" which suited him too(no offence though-it is a unique name Kalps:-)

    @Aditi,
    Thank you also for such a glowing description of him-you just increased the competition even further...now there would be so many more women wanting to sleep with him-sigh!

    the rest, I would come back again to read pucca...and thank you to everyone who liked my post too:-)

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  6. @Suruchi: Hum kya kahe...as usual funny funny post :D. Is the specimen still aorund or have you stopped going to that gym.

    @Loony: He pakaoes you also with that romantic mumbo-jumbo of his...tch tch I pity you? He has uber-confidence on his romantic-him I feel like putting it to test sometimes :P. I'm also yet to come across the good listener part even though we've spoken for hours now. He always has to pass some side-ass comment, be it my imaginary southie or american accent, some stupid PJ he would have cooked up or his love from my legs!!!

    @Nirvana:I could identify with your need for appreciation. There are times when I get these 'you did a great job' mails and messages etc...but the ones I love the most are those that the people who I respect in life, give. It's a wonderful feeling that :D

    @Ads: I'm getting to know more about him each day, some which wanna make me run a truck over him, others which make me wonder can this really be our poopy? About the compliments bit, I'm yet to be on the receiving end...I've only gotten hot and cute so far OK and I beg him to expand his vocab everyday...with no obvious results of course!!!




    @Shreya: Did you know that Kalpak's vocab has only these words: hot,cute,poop,thing,women,stupid,FB. Bas. So next time he calls cute na, ask him to google for a better word OK? To be honest I couldn't really connect to your post, but I've always felt that feeling lonely is worse that being lonely. Maybe that's what you meant out there.

    @Nikhil: Did you know that Gaytal uses 'Clean and Clear' face wash also? He also apparently wets his bed!!!

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  7. @Suruchi-
    Undoubtedly the Queen Bee of blogging!
    What a description of the sultry seductress! haha I couldn't stop laughing at Raaajyyuuuu!
    @Sneha-
    Mr. Funny guy and Mr. Romantic. Wah wah! No wonder he has all the girls swooning over him!
    @Red-
    Ab yeh ajeenomoto kaun hai? hahaha…Red why are you always bumping into weird guys?
    @Nirvana-
    It always feels good to be appreciated. And its even more better when you are not expecting and it and you get it!
    @Meoww-
    Ok seriously.. seriously!!! How do you NOT have a girlfriend Kalpak? Unless all these points these guys are making are not true…? Hmmm?
    @Shreya-
    Brilliant post. We all feel that way at some point - fact of life. Loved the way you put it into words!
    @Nikhil-
    hahaha.. I think I like this version better ;)

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  8. @Suruchi: omg, that was like reading a subtle version of savita bhabhi in her younger days. habba habba

    @ redhanded: haw haw haw, the gaytal is a lesbian trapped in a man's body

    @meow: thank you, lets meet up next sat, all of us, we'll have something legen wait for it Dary to write about. :)

    @ priyanka: heard you are chubbier now. wink wink. :p. Jk. sure, clean and clear on dead bodies must work wonders, i am sure they test on dead bodies beforehand anyway. A bed-wetting ghoul would definitely add to the Gay sinister look.


    @ thegirl@1stave: thank you, i plan to desecrate all our childhood tales this way. :D

    @all: a plead to all the villagers, please grace this beggars short story too with your comments and questions. I want all your Interpretations of my story. please. bhagwan ke krupa se app sab sukhi rahoge. forever.

    http://nikthenail.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-walked-towards-cell-where-he-was-kept.html

    @ bhaise: i don't need a guest post to sleep with you. you are my bitch. ;)

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  9. I love the comeback Nikhil "bhaise: i don't need a guest post to sleep with you. you are my bitch. ;) " :D :D :D.....I'm not chubby wubby yet but apparently hotter!!! I imagined the gaytal to be this Pakpak...what do you think? Would he to justice to the role?

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  10. @Nikhil,
    Lol-why in god's name should my posts remind people of Savita bhabhi!:-)

    And who would have thought of Baital as Gaytal...my god, the imagination running riot and actually that explains a whole lot though!
    So I guess all your school time buddies are as funny as you Kalpak:-)

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  11. @Red,
    Thank you and you are better off without the namoonas, trust me0waise your instructors quite make up for it...I adore you too:-)

    @DawnZhang,
    Thank you so much:-)

    @Meoww,
    Haha, chalo then I believe I am normal-I was not the only one who thought she was smoking hot!:-)

    @Dragon,
    The specimen was there for a month to her nani’s house and thereby gymed-she’s from Mumbai otherwise and into modelling-shodelling(yes, we are great when it comes to getting details leaked)

    @Chandana,
    Thank you soooo much and even RAAAJYUUU I am sure calls him thus since then:-)

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  12. @Kalpak ... wow! Thank you!! you actually put up my little note on that wall you "ERECTED" - heheheh... (thank you so much Keirthana for this one! just loved it!)
    @Suruchi .... good God! that was some writing there! Had me panting and laughing at the same time at the 'sizzler' - fabulous!
    @Loony ... heheh the 'chindi' para was really good!
    @Red handed.... as always, enjoyable read! How true - FB has definitley changed for the worse.
    @Meoww .... nice to read about the loony character responsible for all this bonding! ;-)
    @Confused soul .... same boat! Waht say we gang up on him? And btw ... you do have an amazin blog!

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  13. This must look wierd!! A reply to a reply to a post!! Oh wow! Kalpak what the eff WERE you thinking, indeed!
    @Red handed ... the price tag comes BEFORE the success... :-)
    @Meoww .... I am a corporate trainer. Yeah, yeah... laugh, while you ask "Is that a real job?" And yes, I get paid for telling people that they suck at their job. Muahahahaha!
    @Dragon..... thank you.
    Girl at First Avenue ... Yup! Absolutely right!
    @Nikhil.... who could have thought up this version! But now that you mention it, this could DEFINITELY be a possibility! :-)

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  14. @Suruchi- Man that woman was something. But honestly women like that I think are stupid. I mean you come to a gym to work out or show off. I've seen women who apply itna make up and come to the gym and then while they leave, they look like cosmetic bhooths :P.. Kalpak, tuje acchi lagi? :P .. Nice post :)

    @Red- Guilty with twitter. I tweet shit :/ … btw thanks :)

    @Nirvana- SOmetimes that one smile or appreciative gesture speaks volumes. Sometimes you need it! Chal totally…we’ll take his case.. :D .. Oh and thank you! :)

    @Loony- Kyu praise kiya isko? Shya :P

    @Meoww- tere anmol shabd got me thinking.. Wow this other side is sweet! And good he's not always the nice guy warna ppl would take him for granted nahi.. Hhehehe Kalpak, your secrets are out! :D… oii ur so sweet, thanks! :D

    @Nikhil-omg what was that :P .. hahah lol.. reminds me of kalpak.. not that ur gay Kalpak... but surprisingly that creature made me think of you :P

    @DIGS- Aww it’s okay. At least your honest. Well its just that at times you really want that one person to talk to, but you don’t find em. You try but you just cannot bring yourself to do it. Being lonely is pretty much synonymous for me with feeling lonely.. And you did get the central idea. :)

    @TheGirlAtFirstAvenue- thank you sweetz :)

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