Friday, November 4, 2011

DEFINITIONS


STATUTORY WARNING: MIND-NUMBING, DEATH-PLEAD-FROM-GOD INDUCING, SELF-EXISTENCE QUESTIONING PJs AHEAD.


Metro sexual: Someone who gets laid only in Bombay, Ahmadabad, Bangalore, Delhi or Calcutta.


Arts Student: Someone who consciously decided not to earn much in life.


Science Student:
A) Mature science student - Someone who decided to make their own study life boring.
B) Idiot science student - Someone whose parents decided to make his/her whole life boring.


Commerce Student: Someone who cared a fuck about deciding in life.


Asshole: Someone who can't parallel park.


Bhe***od: Someone who doesn't slow down at puddles during monsoon, splashing water on pedestrians.


Justin Bieber: An infant boy who looks gay and sounds like a girl.


Shahrukh Khan: Someone who makes a movie for Rs. 5 crore by getting a sasta villian, spends Rs. 50 crores on special effects, spends another Rs. 95 crore on promotions, and still people go and watch his movie because of a one minute Rajnikant scene.


Salman Khan: Someone who does nothing but time pass on his job, and still gets paid a bombshell and loved like crazy.


Amir Khan: Someone who no one cares what he's doing as long as he keeps making movies.


Definition: Rajnikant


Google: A word I think would be a nice new name for breasts, like boobs or tits.
Use in sentence: Check out her Googles man!!


Gujarati: Someone who, in a rickshaw ride, keeps staring at the meter.


Sindhi: Someone who, in a rickshaw ride, offers to buy the meter


South Indian: Someone who, in a rickshaw ride, gives the meter a flash of his thing due to his fluttering lungi.


North Indian: Someone who, in a rickshaw ride, rides, because it's his rickshaw.


Bengali: Someone who, in a rickshaw ride, plans on going on a strike because he is bored.


Amitabh Bachchan: Chunkey Pandey of India, as per Bangladeshis.


Kalpak: The third most awesome existence after Rajnikant and God, in that order.


Alcohol: Something that can get a hundred times as expensive as petrol, and yet no one would crib.


Mimoh Chakraborty: Who?


Himesh Reshammiya: Someone who never stops trying.


F.R.I.E.N.D.S.: Something that always was, is and will be better than How I Met Your Mother.


How I Met Your Mother: Something that’s really good, but can never be as good as F.R.I.E.N.D.S.


TTYL: Chal paka mat.


Puppy: Son of a bitch.


Kitten: Son of a pussy


Yahoo Mail: A mail system that cannot classify between genuine and spam.


Blogger: An attention craving desperate person whose existence no one cares about in real life.


LOL: Hmmmm


Hahahaha: Hmmmm


ROFL: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


ROFLMAO: Ha!


: )  : I’m not even reading what you’re typing.


Ant: Someone who is pissed off with jokes involving her and the Elephant.


Elephant: Someone who secretly creates those jokes.


iPad: Illegitimate child of iMac and iPhone.


Immortal: The crazy old man in the MDH Masala ads.


Masturbation: A man’s best time pass.


Sex: A best man’s time pass.


Porn: A man’s time’s best pass.


Pluto: The insignificant dwarf planet who is sent to fetch the ball every time the planets play cricket.


God: An Atheist’s worst nightmare.


World’s Seven Billionth Babies: New-borns across the world that Brangelina are already planning to adopt.


Hug: A little piece of heaven that provides more warmth than a thick blanket, wrongly rated lower than a kiss.


Bra: A hindrance during hug.

52 comments:

  1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.: Something that always was, is and will be better than How I Met Your Mother.

    ^^ TRUE THAT! :P I could punch you for talking like that about Arts students but eh what the fuck, I love this! XD It's so funny! :P Really awesome read! XD

    ReplyDelete
  2. I didn't expect it to be funny after the warning, but maybe that's what made it all the more hilarious!! Loved it!!! Especially Pluto's and the rickshaws :P

    ROFLMAO x100n :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahahahahahahaa :P
    Arts Student: Someone who consciously decided not to earn much in life.
    ^ That's so mean re :P If it were anyone but you,I'd kill them. But your posts always make me laugh like hell. :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Metrosexual can also be someone who likes to have sex only while travelling on a metro.
    Or someone who has sex while watching DD Metro.
    Just saying..

    And 'boo you' for Kalpak's definition. Naaaansense.

    A bra is a hindrance and a bother any which way, hug or no hug. Period.

    Hehe. the definition for Immortal is indeed correct. :D At one time, it used to be that old woman named Baa on 'Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi'. She just wouldn't die!

    ReplyDelete
  5. And an iPad could also be a very trendy and techno version of a sanitary napkin, you know. :P

    ReplyDelete
  6. haha good one.. Shahrukh khan's definition true true true :D :D
    Yahoo mail seriously thinks Viagra ads are genuine and my birthday ecards are spam!!!

    himesh reshamiya : someone born to prove that anyone can think of killing him!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hehehe! :P :P...
    Himesh reshamiyya - very 'nosy' person who never stops trying!!
    and sooo true about FRIENDS!! :D :D
    Loved the post! :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the BE***OD, IMMORTAL and PLUTO one...that KALPAK definition is total bakwaas...It should be KALPAK:poopy head, thing flasher, hot chic wanter. I can understand why google would be the obvious choice for boobs, but dude what will you mean when you say 'Google It' to your students?

    ReplyDelete
  9. // Definition:Rajnikanth// :D :D

    And man, you can patent humor to be your style.

    ReplyDelete
  10. okkkk..finallly i am able to comment..:):):):)
    stoooooooopiddddd gmail..not supported by phone

    i loved science and commerece students..
    hehehe..saala..khud commerece toh kuch bhi bolega naa

    bieber boober is so lame now..m bored of it

    hahha..south indian..hahaha..u taking a dig at moi people..:D:D:D
    chalenga..i will also dig along :P

    north indian..face palm :D

    kalpak..is soo baah

    google it seems..hahah

    i stopped checking my yahoo mail ages ago..

    FRIENDS and HIMYM soooooooooooooooo true..!!!

    hug..awwwwww..:):):)
    BRA..hahaha..but that doesn deter guys from wanting to see sexy lingerie..;););)

    nice post kp..
    chal thankyou bol :D
    -------------X---------


    spaceman..hahahhaha..METRO..superb..!!!
    IPAD..lol..trendy eh..:P:P


    cheers..!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am someone who cared a fuck about deciding in life. LOl .. You were this jobless while typing out the pj's?? :P ..

    ReplyDelete
  12. Woah! Doodler commented the exact same thing which I wanted to say! :P

    But I want to include: Justin Bieber joke was gheesa peeta! Huh. And for Kalpak, my chicken joke was better. Double Huh.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bwahahahaha!
    I actually laughed so hard, my dad in the next room woke up! :P
    This is so awesome. :D

    ReplyDelete
  14. ummm... HI
    This is hard to say,... but... umm...
    i am.. like your... ummm you know what they say...,
    OKAYEE.. I AM a BIIGG FAN of yours, there i said it.... hope you are happy now. :/
    I read your blog religiously, i even have a shortcut to your blog on my mobile, and i check for new posts everyday.
    o.O
    I even torment other people to read your blog.. :D
    My favouritest post of all times is "To err is to human.." and then "Divine facebook" wala.
    Just wanted to say you are one hell of a writer Kalpak!!
    Your truly,
    Secret Admirer.
    p.s.- don't worry i am a girl only
    p.p.s.- and sometimes you act like a sexist ******

    ReplyDelete
  15. @ dawnzhang: thank u so much buddy. and thanks for always being the first one to like my post links on FB :)

    @ doodler: thanks a lot buddy :)

    @ blahblahholic: thank you so much

    @ divya spaceman: lovely contributions. thank u:) and agreed on the bra thing re. girls should stop wearing them altogther. what say? especially if the tops are body hugging :D

    @ maithili: well in ur case, i have to take yahoo's side here :D

    @ viya: thank u :)

    @ skinny dragon: arre students wud love such a cool professor. "Saale koi bhi assignment ho yeh to hamesha majja karneko hi bolta hai" :D

    @ keirthana: thank u. that was one of my bestest comments ever. and i really like ur name :)

    @ aditi meoww: mere comments mein ur only allowed to refer to me. ek dusre se chat karna hai to bhaago idhar se. haddd. phutt. chooo.

    @ confused soul: Hi5 buddy. commerce people rock! :D

    @ loony: hmmmmm....doodler and u seem to have an uncanny similarity.

    @ anuranjani: good comment. nice name. scary laughter though! :D
    thanks so much :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. @ ANONYMOUS:

    ok first of all, not fair. im a kind of a guy who out of the blue starts humming a song, and then gets sleepless nights till he recollects which movie it is from. actually i instantly google it and am at peace, but u get the point.

    and writing such comments on my blog is like tellin someone "aye i wan2 tell u something, but i'll tell u later ok?"

    however, i also suspect that u r some blogger friend who's just messing with me. hmmmmmm. or maybe some guy friend of mine.

    i dont know. but yeah...plz do reveal ur identity o secret admirer.

    ReplyDelete
  17. : ) : I’m not even reading what you’re typing.

    Hahahahah so friggin true man!!

    and the Bengali definition!! I take offense! That definitions belongs to the Keralites! Even today we have a harthal actually total Bandh!

    Loved it all man! awesomeness!
    Btw secret admirer eh...aaaree waaah!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. HaHaHa..!! Hilarious post.. :)
    I guess you are a commerce student who dislikes Sharukh Khan, Amir Khan, Salman Khan, Justin Beiber and likes himself, F.R.I.E.N.D.S apart from hot chicks and Rajinikanth(??) and how I met your mother.. :) (I swear I read your post.. ;) )

    ReplyDelete
  19. @ red handed: finally she comments. huh.
    arre bongo and strike is a popular stereotype. :)
    and yeah, secret admirer *smug smile* :D

    @ arpita: well, im a commerce student, true, but i like aamir, even salman, hate justin, hate himesh, love friends. :)
    thank u :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. My fav :-D blogger bra himesh south Indian and :-)

    And ROFL

    *as per your definition*

    ReplyDelete
  21. pluto- the kachcha limbu of milky way building. boy, his life must suck.

    ReplyDelete
  22. hey, arts is better than commerce, we consciously dont want to give a fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Aaye haaye! Badhiya post hai! I'm tired of laughing again and again! And lemme tell you, I have read each post of yours several times! :P

    Chalo ab zyaada hawa mein mat udo! :P

    Hilarious! :D

    ReplyDelete
  24. @ bluntblogger: thanks a lot man :)

    @ nick: agreed....and agreed :D

    @ paanipuri lover: finally u comment. off late u have become one of those bloggers whose comments i wait for.
    and yaa....feels really nice to hear that :D
    thanks a lot :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. you ungrateful man..
    grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    ooooooooooooooo..secret admirer....
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

    ReplyDelete
  26. HOI!! Arts students earn ok?:P

    And the meter stops when the thing is flashed?

    Definition: Epic.
    F.R.I.E.N.D.S: Epic-est!! (yes, I'll make up words, it's MY comment)

    Kalpak: Epic fail.
    Mimoh: No really, who?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thanks :) And you the first to compliment me on my name :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. I loved

    BRA

    HUG

    ANT and ELEPHANT. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  29. @ peevee: he he. ok ok they earn. even science students earn. commerce students eventually end up paying them :D

    @ keirthana: :) (genuine smile. not as per my definition)

    @ upasana: thanks. and where d hell have u been??!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. from metro sexual to bhe****od to google to hug to bra-i loved them all...sharing it with friends kyonki yeh to mast...er...must read hain:-)

    ReplyDelete
  31. @ mathura speaks: thanks a lot :)
    i mean it. i like negative feedback more than positive. can u plz explain y horrible though?

    @ suruchi: as usual, ur a darling :) thanks buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  32. slut : A woman with the morals of a man :P

    ReplyDelete
  33. Wah! Hug? Bra? Googles! *Applauds* :D Mast ho bhai Kalpak! :D

    PS: Race kaise hogi? Mysticism aur Humor ki? :P

    ReplyDelete
  34. HOW *sputter* .... WHERE *sputter* .... WHAT *sputter* .... in between gasps for air (from all the laughing), i try and imagine what your varying experiences were, to be able to give you such profound definitions!! Awesome!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. @ mani lalwani: true story buddy :) did u offer to buy the meter btw? :)

    @ MSM: arre race kyun nai hogi? lets c if u spook better or i make laugh better :)
    thanks buddy :)

    @ nirvana: aah...someone finally notices the profundity :)
    thank u so much.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Wowwww....awesome and funniest definitions I have ever read...you didn't even spared bloggers :(

    ReplyDelete
  37. Don't compare Friends and HIMYM. Paleez? O_O
    and I am yet to figure out the last one. and hahaha the Bengali, North Indian thing was aweesssome :D And Arts students earn decently well, okay? *takes offence* and blogger HAHAHA,and third last was superb too.
    Too too good man! Take a bow.
    Its my first time here, and this blog post totally had me.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hug: A little piece of heaven that provides more warmth than a thick blanket, wrongly rated lower than a kiss.

    The best!

    ReplyDelete
  39. @ hemant : thanks buddy. and why spare my own breed :)

    @ crystal: welcome...and thank you :) btw i dint get whether u think HIMYM is better or friends.

    @ uruj: thanks buddy :)

    @ here2enchant: thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Bring it on then. :D 76 Followers Love! :D

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hahaha...awesum stuff Kalpak.. brilliantly brilliant :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. @ MSM: huh...petty competitors count one one follower...lets set a target...who ever reaches 150 first wins..what say???

    @ RAJ: thanks buddy :)

    ReplyDelete
  43. I am new here. Spent a good amount of 2 hours here, reading all your previous posts. Thoroughly enjoyed.
    BTW.. who'se Mimoh ;)

    ReplyDelete
  44. And the best definition award goes to....Pluto!

    That was really creative :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. http://blog.blogadda.com/2011/11/08/posts-freedom-fixing-cricket-indian-bloggers

    Since there is no mention of it on your blog, i assume you don't know.THAT YOUR POST HAS BEEN SELECTED AS A TANGY TUESDAY PICK BY BLOGADDA!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Hud hoti hai, when are you going to come up with a new post huh?
    I am tired to check your blog every morning and night, only to find nothing.!!
    Are you expecting your loyal readers to read your old posts again and again or something? okay, mayeebbee i read your old posts again today.(singham and ZNMD wala post, damn funny man.)
    btw I read "The case of four and twenty blackbirds." and m trying to get my hands on "Good Omens."

    yours truly,
    angry secret admirer

    ReplyDelete
  47. Only "YOU" can think of such definitions!!! Hilarious and amazing!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  48. lol, the actual lol :D .. truly world class, amazing and really funny,
    Pluto, puppy, kitten, .....

    SRK.. sigh :(

    ReplyDelete
  49. HAHAHHA WTF I AM SO HOOKED. Dude, I am fucking blogrolling you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  50. You are so CREATIVE ( and funny . and witty .... and creative ...and witty ) ... * i am unstable * ....AAWESOME DEFINITIONS !!! :D

    ReplyDelete

Post Rating