Wednesday, September 7, 2011

THAT BOY ON BLACK ACTIVA


I have a new motto in life. Whenever I am walking down a street, I will only check out the not-so-good girls.

Let me explain.

Every guy checks out the good ones. All the good girls know that they are good, based on the average number of guys that check them out. But what about the not good ones? What about those fat, average to below average looking chicks who have lost all confidence on their appearance, just because every guy passing by behaves with them the way Anna Hazare was behaving with food. I would like to be a harbinger to this revolution, where guys start checking such girls out. Let them feel good about themselves. They deserve it.

Now this doesn’t mean that we stop checking out good girls. In fact, we guys never actually have to check out good girls. It is a default function. We do not have to use our brains to do it, it happens on its own, just like Salman Khan movies becoming super hit.

We guys have a natural sensor. Whenever there is a good girl nearby, a guy’s eyes will locate her, filter her from the crowd, scan her, and then continue with its work, and this whole process takes less than a second. This is precisely the reason why terrorist outfits don’t use hot chicks as suicide bombers, as all the security people are men.

But when we scan through the crowd, we also scan through all her fat and/or average looking friends. I say stop that. Have a conscious look at those girls. It’s a win-win situation. They start feeling ‘Oh I think I’m looking good today’, and we start feeling ‘Oh I think I’m looking desperate now.

I realized this when I went to watch ‘That Girl In Yellow Boots’ recently. This movie released beside Bodyguard, and hence it was like those not so good looking girls, who actually turn out to be smarter, more intelligent, mature and better value for money. Bodyguard, on the other hand, was like the hot chick in the college, who everyone wants to see, who looks really promising, but is utterly dumb and brainless (not to mention a complete waste of money). (I can’t understand how such movies work in India? Our audience isn’t that dumb. I have heard many people say that clich├ęd line ‘Oh that movie was fun. Just leave your brains at home and go, you will enjoy’. Don’t people feel even the slightest embarrassment when they say that? I’m sorry, but my brains aren’t that loose to be so easily removed.)

So with this philosophy, I went to watch that movie. I did two things in my life for the first time ever when I went to see That Girl In Yellow Boots. 1) I went for a movie alone. 2) I went to watch a movie whose I hadn’t seen even a single promo. Just the words ‘Written and Directed by Anurag Kashyap’ were enough.

When I was going, I was actually expecting to be completely alone in the screen. Well, honestly I was expecting to meet a girl who would have come alone too, and we would get to talking, and fall in love. But such things happen only in music videos. Sigh!

I was actually alone when I entered the screen. Even the usher wasn’t there for crying out loud. And when I sat on the top row in the middle seat, two thoughts passed my Gujju mind simultaneously:

THOUGHT 1 - Man. A whole screen and I am alone. It feels like a private screening in my private theatre. I feel like Ambani.

THOUGHT 2 - First five row tickets would have been cheaper.

The movie was really good. Anurag Kashyap had woven yet another masterpiece. Now I won’t be reviewing this movie the way I had reviewed Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and Singham; because it’s pointless.

The funniest part of the movie was the interval. In the interval, they showed a trailer of a Chattisgarh movie ‘Tari Hari Na Na’. It seemed like a classic. The lead pair was evidently shortlisted from ‘Dharavi’s Next Superstar’. And trust me guys, that typical Bollywood dialogue, where the actor says ‘Your marriage will happen only with me’ sounded hilarious in that language.

Tohar biha sirf-o-sirf more saath hoyi.

 Even if you are a girl from Chattisgarh, if a guy proposes to you that way, ‘Fuck off’ is the best reply. Trust me.

I would like to add one more experience here. We all know that Set Max and Star Gold are names of industries that horribly dub south movies, along with their songs and titles. And these titles at times turn out to be quite funny. And I recently, while surfing, came across one such title that took the cake.

BILLU BACHCHAN – EK DILJALA

I’m sure the whole cast would have first thought the director to be kidding when he would have told them the name.

“Ok people, the movie’s name is ‘Billu Bachchan – Ek Diljala’”

“Ha ha ha ha ha. Ok seriously dude, what’s the name?”

Little did they know……

But watching a movie alone isn’t at all a bad experience. It is in fact a good experience. I am friendless in a new city, and the movie I wanted to go for was such that half of them hadn’t even heard about it. So I had no option but to watch it alone.

P.S.: I went on my cousin’s black Activa. So now the title of the post makes sense. You can call it gay if you want, but I love the Honda Activa, or any other non-gear two wheelers for that matter. I hate the hassles of a gear. These babies are easy, just twist their ear and they zoom.

8 comments:

  1. The other day they were showing the tamil version of bhool bhulaiya but wait ... for.. it.. dubbed in Bhojpuri.( i still dont understand the point?)
    But it was priceless to hear rajnikant speak bhojpuri.

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  2. You are pure genius my friend!! The not so good looking girls will now have a chance..thanks to you!! AHEM!

    Btw sorry about not commenting on ur blog...u knw m stuck!

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  3. @ nik : Lol dude.

    @ Red Handed : dnt overrate. this post was pretty average and u know it. and y have d mails stopped lady??

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  4. Well said dude...seriously funny...Even now they show Vicco Vajradanti ads during movie intervals..can't stop laughing.

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  5. *Stands up from chair and claps like a lunatic*

    Bravo, Brilliant Theory you have come up with. The Vajradanti commercial which(apparently) still plays during movies reminds me of the DD days when it used to be telecast frequently.

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  6. Hahah! :D Awesome. Now the not so good looking girls will feel full too happies! :P Keep writing!

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. Haha I'd run if a proposal like that comes my way.. it sounds like more of a threat with that thick tone.. :P .. Wouldn't even wait to say FUCK OFF to the person. Crap am I being mean? Ohh who cares anyway :P ... Heard rave reviews about the movie.. think I'll download and watch :D

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