Tuesday, September 20, 2011

RANDOM THOUGHTS


Before I commence with this post, I would like to thank Divya (Spaceman Spiff) and Sneha (Loony). These are two of my fellow bloggers turned blogger friends turned great friends, and they have been highly instrumental in promoting my blog. While Divya wrote a whole post dedicated to me and my blog (click here to read it), Sneha shared my blogpost on her FB page. I genuinely thank the two of you, and at the same time would like to inform my readers that both these mallu chicks are amazing writers. And trust me I’m not just saying this to return the favor.

In fact, just a few days back we three were having a chat on FB in the ‘comments’ section of the link of my last post that Sneha had shared on her FB page. The chat, I clearly remember, went something like this:

Sneha: Oh Kalpak, you’re so damn hot. You make me go weak in my knees. I’m so thankful to this blogging world for helping me come across such a sexy hunk.

Divya: Shut up you bitch. Kalpak don’t listen to her. She likes to flatter every guy. But trust me I really find you super hot. I wish I was single and we were in the same city.

Sneha: Get lost. You are the bitch. Kalpak I love you more than her

Divya: No kalpak I love you. Trust me. I would never lie.

Yup. This was pretty much the gist of the whole conversation.

NOTE : Dear readers, the chat went exactly, word-to-word, as I have mentioned here. Any comment in this post by Sneha or Divya which says otherwise is plain bullshit.

So to carry on, this post of mine is not about anything in particular. My name means a day-dreamer, and a day-dreamer is what I am. I am constantly woolgathering, and this post is just a collection of some random thoughts in my mind.

1)      I read about this stupid ass research in the papers recently that kids who watch nine minutes of Spongebob have difficulty in concentrating. I found this study utter rubbish. I watched Spongebob a lot when I was a kid, and my concentration has turned out to be absolutely norm.....HEY A REFRIGERATOR!

2)     Why does every office have that one guy who never flushes?

3)     Black tea tastes bitter. Darkness, which is black, is scary. No one likes blackheads on their nose. I’m telling you, God had his own racist thing going on.

Talking about racism, even our forefathers were racist. How else do you explain the ‘Black’ cat crossing your path myth?

4)     One of the most stupid song lyrics ever written in Bollywood was ‘Tu mere saamne, Main tere saamne. Tujhko Dekhu ke pyaar karu?’ (You’re in front of me. I’m in front of you. Should I keep staring at you or start making love to you?)

Isn’t it obvious what the guy should do?

In my book such questions fall under the rhetoric category.

5)     Guys generally hate girls who have good looking female best friends. Because such girls always put up the pic in which they both are together as their FB profile pic. And that leaves us guys in a quandary on whether to stalk the girl or not. We have to keep our fingers crossed, hoping it’s the girl on the right, before we click on the ‘Add Friend’ button.

6)     If you think about it, the hero’s father was always the main villain in old Bolly movies. If he hadn’t taken the loan from Thakur, and if he hadn’t died as soon as he spent it, the Thakur wouldn’t have troubled the hero’s mother, and he wouldn’t have raped the hero’s sister, and the hero wouldn’t have had to spend his whole growing up life to accumulate the money so that he could smack it on the Thakur’s face someday.

Again, if you think about it, the hero’s mother always overreacted on the amount she owed Thakur. However at the end, the hero would throw exactly 2 bundles on his face. And going by the fact that 500 and 1000 Rupees notes didn’t exist then, the amount couldn’t be more than Rs. 20,000. And what a loser the hero was that he had to spent his whole teenage life and grow up directly from a boy to a man just to earn Rs. 20,000.

Yet again, if you think about it, the hero’s sister was always a slut. She either got raped by Thakur, or gang-raped by Thakur’s men, or got pregnant with her guy, which is when hero’s mother would use the classic line:

Kahan muh kaala karwa ke aayi hai?”

Hey! That line’s another proof of our forefathers being racist.

By the way, I simply love the throwing-money-on-face way of repaying loan. I’m planning to repay my education loan EMIs in the same manner every month.

7)     Wouldn’t serving chicken pizza in an event sponsored by PETA be a great irony?

8)    The La Tomatina festival in India is one of the most pathetic displays of wannabe-ism ever, not to mention it’s also a horrible idea. Going by the inflation rate, no mom would give her son enough tomatoes to go and play during the festival. She might give him expired Ketchup or day before yesterday’s tomato sabzi to use off in the fest.

Also, if you ask your mother, she’ll tell you that while buying tomatoes you should check their firmness. Normally they go for the firm ones, which if used during tomatina would turn the event into more of a dodge ball game.

9)     Sometimes I feel those Microsoft Office applications like scaring you. How else do you explain being asked ‘Do you want to save the changes?’ when all you did is just open the file and read it?

10) Don’t you get mad at Facebook when you come across a hot chick’s profile who has 42 mutual friends, and all this while the stupid website kept suggesting you pigs with 2 mutual friends in the ‘People you may know” column?

11)  The regular readers of this blog would know that I recently moved to Baroda from Bombay, and I’m kind of friendless in a new city. At such times, when my cell phone, being on random mode, starts playing ‘Main Jahan Rahoon’ from Namaste London followed by ‘Tanha Dil’ of Shaan, I feel its just being a sadist and mocking me.

12) At times when you want to sneak in on the ice cream at night, don’t you wish there was a light in the freezer too?

13) This is not a thought, but an actual occurrence:

Random Guy at Office: Hey, what’re you downloading via torrents?

Me: How I Met Your Mother.

Guy: *whispering* what porn is that?

14) For a long part of my life, I never understood what sternly saying ‘Period’ at the end of a sentence meant.

Me: Hey. What’s wrong? Why is your mood so bad today?

Some Girl: I can’t tell you. Period.

Me: Oh ok. *wink* Gotcha!

I mean why don’t they simply use ‘Fullstop’?

15)  Piracy rocks! Except in novels.

Fullstop.

32 comments:

  1. oh come on kp..nobody in their wildest dreams will believe you had that conversation..:D i know you baby..*wink wink*
    and aaaaaaan..i want my share of thankyou too :O :O :O
    grrr..ok kidding..m only super glad that you have made good friends in the blogger world..
    Now increase my share..i will promote you on my fb wall too..:*
    :p :p
    nice post by the way..made for a light read..:) cheers..
    Loads of luurrrvvve :p :p

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  2. Rofl @ the convo. Divya and Senha will be super mad right now! :P

    And haha, nice random thoughts! :D


    "Wouldn’t serving chicken pizza in an event sponsored by PETA be a great irony?"

    ^ EXACTLY! XD

    Super post, love it! :D

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  3. hahaha
    i had fun reading your post =)
    xoxo

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  4. gahahahah on the third point.
    And honey i dontneed DIVYA or LOONY to testify against you...i already believe their version of it and not a single word of urs :P
    I never use the word PERIOD for the same reason
    HIMYM...pwaahahaha

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  5. I'll wait till both of the aforementioned ladies get here and THEN join in the fun :P

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  6. ROFL....loved the post...esp the racist part :). Fullstop.

    Cheers!
    SUB
    http://khonjtheeternalsearch.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  7. So...how would you like to die "sexy hunk"? Jerk!!!!! You have such a weird and twisted imagination! You could have at least written something which is more believable :D

    " Why does every office have that one guy who never flushes?" ROFLMAO!!

    "One of the most stupid song lyrics ever written in Bollywood was ‘Tu mere saamne, Main tere saamne. Tujhko Dekhu ke pyaar karu?’ (You’re in front of me. I’m in front of you. Should I keep staring at you or start making love to you?)" - Write a post on perverted songs in Bollywood. I'm sure you have a list of them in your playlist already!

    JERK! *fullstop*

    Oh and you owe me and Divya dinner * Exclamation mark*

    ReplyDelete
  8. LOL...So, two gals are fighting over you on a social networking site. Man you are so popular...And, you find these stupid research on cartoons...I means my brother is running short of funds for carrying sensible research on making clean fuel. Please fund him...As always, fun reading your post. I know where I should land when I feel like laughing my heart out!!!

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  9. @ Aditi : so sorry man. im actually feeling bad i forgot to mention u. dnt worry, my next post will have our raunchy convos in detail ;-)

    @ dawnzhang: yup, they'll be so mad i made their feelings for me public :)

    @fatima: thank u so much :)

    @red handed: trust my version, or else i'll make our chats public too. muhahahahahahahaha

    @ peevee: u sound like a vamp straight out of a k-serial. :) kiddin. yup..even im waitin for them to join in and 'pounce' on me, if u know wat i mean *wink*

    @sub: thanks man:)

    @ loony: aha...the star of the show is here. and ya dinner treat is still on. but we have to be together in the same city na. ;-)

    @ saru: 'I know where I should land when I feel like laughing my heart out!!!'
    that line goes on my 'most favorite comments' wall. thank you :)

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  10. What is this Kalpak??!! How dare you?! How can you make such things public!! Would you have liked it if I had told the whole world how you confessed to me that you still wet your bed and that you want a wife who's got boobs like Rakhi Sawant!

    I'm upset, really. Just when I was planning to elope with you, you went and did this. I'm SO upset. We're through!! Hmmpph!

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  11. @Spaceman Spiff...bwahahahahahhaha...!!!! SUPERRRRRRR...!!!!!
    KP...Duuuuuudeee...you are so done for...
    *evil laughter*
    :P :P :P :P :P

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  12. LOL! This was a bloody hilarious post!! Keep at it :D

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  13. Haha, one of your best posts, literally had me laughing aloud!

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  14. @ srinidha & sumitra: thanks a lot :)

    @ aditi : stop behaving like narayan rane and stick to one party please

    @ divya, urf spaceman spiff : aah...so ur finally here. we meet again, spaceman.
    well, yeah i had told u i wet my bed. but thats only cos i keep spilling the cold coffee :-D
    (i know that was lame, but a comeback is a comeback.)
    and bout boobs, well, i hate fakes. small or big, natural ones are best.
    and btw...rakhi sawant doesnt have boobs. the boobs have rakhi sawant. :D

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  15. baahh..wat party huh..me hates politics :@
    and i am on every side which is against you..heeeheeheehee
    :p :p :p :p

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  16. Hi. Great post.Luved reading it. I liked the Chicken Pizza by PETA and Racism. Period. Lol :)

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  17. Your comeback was worse than Madhuri Dixit's. Tut tut! :P

    Divya :1 :: Kalpak :0

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  18. cheeeee loony. ur too young to be talkin about madhuri dixit's tut tut. and she has nice tut tuts na. wats wrong wid her tut tuts???

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  19. i wish 12 would actually be true someday :P ... nice read

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  20. Hilarious :) Will check out writings of the two mallu women you recommended!

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  21. You shifted to Baroda from Mumbai?
    Gosh..
    Baroda is so tiny. He has hardly got two sub ways and just one mcd! :D

    I just came across your blog!
    Your post is funny :)
    I love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  22. @ Menachery : that would be a blessing for all ice cream freaks!!

    @ siddhartha & rachana: thank you :)

    @ Philo: read my posts titled Life in an (Almost) Metro part 1 and part 2 to know why i movied to baroda :)

    Thank you. :D

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  23. Alright :) Will go through it!
    All I know is, that if I can get so bored in Ahmedabad, Baroda is worst :P

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  24. And ya, can you link me to those posts? I'm not getting them! :)

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  25. @ philo: oh so ur from the neighborhood. good good.

    here's part one : http://theobviouslyoblivious.blogspot.com/2011/08/life-in-almost-metro.html

    and part two:
    http://theobviouslyoblivious.blogspot.com/2011/08/life-in-almost-metro-part-2.html

    ReplyDelete
  26. u'll have to copy paste the links in the address bar...i dunno how to create links in comments :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. LOL... This was one hilarious post.. especially loved the racist part and the HIMYM and period part... LOL :P .. You're brillaint! Period. Oops fullstop. :P

    P.s. First-timer here.. Looking forward to reading more..Keep blogging.. Following! :D

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  28. Wonderful post again. Esp the facebook and the period part!!! Ha ha ha...My Mom thinks I have gone mad, cos I have been laughing non-stop for the past two hours!!!! BTW, you should seriously consider writing a book...It would sell like hot cakes!!

    ReplyDelete

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