Monday, September 12, 2011

DIVINE FACEBOOK


Years ago, in 1993, when Mark Zuckerberg was nine and in school, he rented a pirated VCR Cassette of the Bollywood movie Baazigar, because someone had told him that there’s a scene in the movie where Kajol and Shilpa Shetty are in swimming costumes, and he really wanted to watch it. He had never seen before how Kajol looked, which is why he took that bold step, which some say was sheer daredevilry.

That was a defining moment in the history of the World Wide Web and social networking, as Mark Zuckerberg came up with the idea of Facebook when he heard the song:

kitabein bahut si padhi hongi tumne magar koi chehra bhi tumne padha hai?’

Pathetic joke. I agree. Please continue reading.

What many people don’t know is that I share a deep yet secret friendship with Naradmuni, the gossip monger God amongst the Hindu deities. And one fine day, he agreed to show me the Facebook profiles and walls of the Gods. Yes, the site has another version, strictly meant for the divinity. And I would like to share with you all a few excerpts from the same. (Narad might hate me for this, but I have already started downloading the first season of Gossip Girls for him, to calm him down.)


LORD SHIVA’S FACEBOOK WALL:

Shiva likes Just Dance on Star Plus and The Immortals of Meluha

Shiva: Nandi is going to be a father. Again. Congrats. Whatever.

Comments:

Nandi: No need to taunt okay.

Shiva: I have told you so many times to keep your libido down. You’re one horny bull I tell you.

Nandi: That’s it. No more free rides for you.

Shiva: Don’t anger me you fatass.

Nandi: What will you do eh?! Your “Anger Dance”? No God is scared of that anymore buddy. They hardly watch now.

Ganesh: Dad, please don’t start dancing. My friends in school tease me. It’s embarrassing.

Parvati: No one is dancing around in my house. Last time Ganesh tried, he broke a few tiles. I’ve had it.
Kartik likes this comment.

Ganesh: Mooooommmm!!!!


LORD RAM’S FACEBOOK WALL:

Lord Ram is attending India vs. Sri Lanka World Cup Final @ Wankhede
3 days ago.

Ram: Dhoni’s men kicked the Lankan asses. Team India rocks. Awesome match.
51 people like this

Comments:

Ravan: Match was fixed.
Surpanakha and 33 other people like this comment.

Laxman: Bullshit.
Bharat and 24 other people like this comment.

Hanuman: Hey Ravan. Gold prices at an all time high. Too bad I burnt it all for you eh! Lolzzz.


YAMRAJ’S FACEBOOK WALL:

Yamraj: I see dead people.

Comments:

Chitragupta: ROFLMAO… good one boss.


GANESHA’S FACEBOOK WALL:

Ganesh: Ganesh Chaturthi time people. It’s a fiesta!

Comments:

Krishna: Hey Happy B’day bro. Partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Ganesh: It’s not my b’day u idiot. Today was when dad declared me superior to all gods. Yo!

Krishna: Oh ok. Hmmm. Partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
Kartik and 6 other people like this comment.


LORD BRAHMA’S FACEBOOK WALL:

Brahma: Hey guys. Lets start our own Justice League.
Shiva and 10 other people like this.

Comments:

Vishnu: Awesome idea Brammy.

Jesus: I’m in.

Allah: Me too.

Sai Baba: Yeah. Me too.

Shiva: Hey Sai. What superpowers you have man?! You’re not even actually one of us. You’re like Batman.
Vishnu and 15 other people like this comment.


HANUMAN’S FACEBOOK PAGE:

Hanuman: Lifted 100 lbs dumbbells today at the gym. Now I can do the Salman bicep step.
Bheem likes this

Comments:

Ram: Dude, why’re you working out? You don’t need the gym. You’re naturally very strong.

Hanuman: I am???!!

Laxman: Yup. And BTW, you can fly. It’s very irritating for us to keep reminding u of your powers u know. You’re less like salman and more like aamir in Ghajani man. Please get all your powers tattooed on your chest.
Ram and 5 other people like this comment.

Hanuman: Dammit! I can actually fly. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Hanuman: Thanks Laxman. And ya I’ll get the tattoo as soon as the stitches on my chest are removed. What was I thinking when I tore it open to show your brother’s image??!!

Ram: Hey! That hurt man.

Hanuman: Oh THAT hurt Ram??? I TORE OPEN MY CHEST!!!!!

Ram: Ok Ok. No need to get senti. Sheeesh. I’m so glad we evolved from you people.

Hanuman: Oye u don’t comment on my people ok. If it weren’t for us u wud have had to go to lanka for Seeta Maa in Air India. And our monkey chicks are better than their Air Hostesses.

Laxman: Dude, you’re a Balbrahmachari. Please get that tattooed also.

Hanuman: Oh ya. He he.


VISHWAMITRA’S FACEBOOK PAGE:

Vishwamitra: Eternal Celibacy?! What was I thinking??!!! Sex is awesome!!!

Comments:

Menaka: You left me in the middle of a love making session to update your status!!!! COME BACK IN YOU FREAK!.

Vishwamitra: Hey you’re checking FB too.

Abhishek Bachchan: Aha. My new Idea campaign works!


JESUS’S FACEBOOK PAGE:

Jesus: Being the only God in a religion is so much better man. No competition.
Moses and 12 other people like this.

Comments:

Brahma: Hey Jesus, how many holidays you get due to festivals???!!!!
Shiva and 30 million other people like this comment.

(DISCLAIMER FOR ALL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE: Kindly take this post with a pinch of salt. Don't kill me.)

48 comments:

  1. Gaaaaaaahhahahhahahahhaha EPIC epic Epic! Gahahahahahhaa!
    I have lost the power to think, i laughed so hard!
    Our Gods are a bunch of cool People man!

    Kali Mata Updates- Fair and Lovely seven day challenge isnt working!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hey good one. should have thot of that. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. ROFL! I fell off the chair, seriously. Real cool. :DD Poor hanuman though :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    *copy this expression 10 million times*

    i fell from my office chair laughing..!!!!
    and cant stop the tears from my eyes...!!!
    ROFLMAO dude..!!
    KP i sooooooooooo love you for this amazing talent of yours..!!!!!
    muahhh!!!
    hahaha...aa jhappi paa..!!!
    :D:D:D
    jaldi mille yaar..!!! khub tp karenge...!!!!
    *high five*

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ DawnZhang: Thanks :) i really like ur name btw. Dawnzhang. Sounds like a chinese kungfu master.

    @ Aditi: Jhappi return. High five return. :)
    Wana meet soon too yaar. Thanks for d comment :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOVED IT......ITS JUST SO AWESOME, THATS HOW IT WILL WHEN THEY WILL REALLY HAVE THEIR FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS....KUDOS TO YOUR FUNNY BRAIN

    ReplyDelete
  7. Awesome!! Hilarious, really! You have a brilliant imagination.I loved the Vishwamitra and Idea bit!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Awesome mahn... Just out of words to comment on your post....
    lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh my god!!!
    I had put this up as my status message on FB a few months back- "Mark Zuckerberg must've been a fan of the song "Kitaabein bahut si padhi hongi tumne, magar koi chera bhi tumne padha hai". Since it was on FB, I didn't get hit. :/
    But yay!! Someone else also shares the same PJ-ish thoughts with me! :D Hi-Faive!!
    Sooper post! :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. @ Bhavna, upasana, venky, spaceman: thanks a lot guys. :)

    @ spaceman: hi-five man!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahahahahaha!!! AWESOME!!!!! Every word, every line...brilliant! loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Err.. Woman. But it's ok. I guess my username is kinda misleading. :/

    ReplyDelete
  13. @ doodler: thanks :)

    @ spaceman (spacewoman, apparently) : oh ok. he he. my bad.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Lol I loved it. You've written them so well..I'm gonna start searching for fictional FB accounts such as these coz I wanna read more.. :p

    Great writing.

    ReplyDelete
  15. "Hey Sai. What superpowers you have man?! You’re not even actually one of us. You’re like Batman."
    Hahahahaha!! This time I could laugh out loud! :D

    One of your bests!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Looks like you are competing with Matthew Perry.Keep up the Good Work.BTW it was BOLD to say something like that.Beware of Religious fundamentalists.

    ReplyDelete
  17. @ shivani: thank you so much :)

    @ sub: thanks man. btw...r u veggie delite or chicken teriyaki???? :D

    @ loony : aaah...my blogpost is now complete. :)

    @ andy: death threats have begun man. god bless. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Don't the Goddesses get to post status messages on FB? Durga, Kali, Sarswati protest! You hereby get a curse absolutely free.

    Btw loved your write up :D

    ReplyDelete
  19. @ purba : i know i know i missed out on the goddesses. but trust me there was nothin male chauvinistic bout it. :)

    Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. And, we thought, MIT infused ideas in Mark's brain. We need a serious doses of wisdom from you every now n then...lol...Hilarious post, ROFL...The 'likes' part of the post was too good. Need I say, I love the post!!!:)

    ReplyDelete
  21. They are such dudes, I tell you.

    P.S: Are you trying to kill your readers?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Poor Yamraj. No likes and a single comment. Shows he's real.

    Probably he's looking to hire you ;)

    ReplyDelete
  23. @ saru: where were you? i was waiting for ur comment :)

    @ priyanka : if im going down im taking everyone with me!

    @ kirklops : gud one man. i would willingly join i tell ya. i love ur name btw. Kirklops. sounds like a spongebob character. :D no offense. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Spongebob... hmm, hadn't thought of that. Well, gives a new angle to tackle the "What kinda name is that?" questions. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. :D You are fabulous.
    Now go back and thank Divya for getting me here.

    P.S: PLEASE remove word verification? Pretty please?

    ReplyDelete
  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hilarious! :D
    I am so glad I came here. Let me thank Spiff first! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  28. @ kirklops : anyday buddy :)

    @ priyanka : please tell me how to remove it. pretty please.

    @ vijay : as soon as someone comments i get a email on my phone...so i read ur comment. i feel like im Sauron's eye. :) thanks for the comment buddy. dunno y u removed it though.

    @ destiny's child : going by ur name i wudnt wana mess wid u.


    @ priyanka & destiny's child : i cudnt be more thankful to divya (spaceman spiff) and sneha (loony)

    ReplyDelete
  29. One time on your blog, and the post was hilarious :D
    Will surely drop in again! :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hahahahahahaa hilarious :P
    Following you now!

    ReplyDelete
  31. i would like to follow yours...nt only bcoz of d cause..bt also fr ur posts...
    njoyd ur post..

    http://ideas-forum.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. @ Philo, Blahblaholic and Soumyadeep : Thanks people.

    ReplyDelete
  33. :D :D You left me ROFL man. That was some hell of imagination !! :P

    Love, Risha :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hello. Just hopped onto here through 'Spaceman Spiff's' blog.

    Before commenting, I showed this post to a friend. She liked it so much that she shared it on her FB wall. :-)

    Hoping to read much more from you.

    All the best ! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  35. @ shobhit : thanks buddy. and thanks to ur friend too :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. hii

    I loved this! I u have written this urself, its amazingly creative :D

    ReplyDelete
  37. Hey wait...how did Abhishek Bachchan land in facebook for divine people? :O

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh Freak! Bwahahahahaa! i almost fell from the bed! :P
    This is so awesome, man! :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  39. LMAO!!!!! Wonderful!!! I am kinda religious, but I just loved it!!! Hanuman's Facebook Page was just bloody brilliant!!! Bookmarked your Blog, might as well make it as my Homepage!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Why DID I miss this Blog before!!! Coming up with something as awesome as this!! :D I will read your blog during exams for de-stressing! :D :D Love it!

    Hanuman! Wheeeeeeee ;) :D

    ReplyDelete
  41. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I dont have any words to comment.. ur sense of humor is out of world:)

    ReplyDelete
  43. OOOOMMMMMMMFF---IINNNGGGG GAAAWWDD!!!!!! dude , are you for real !!!!!!! goosshh , i can't stop laughing ( well , i had to keep it down cuz my sister was slepping next to me ..) Anyways .......wow!!! * bows * * salute * YOU ARE AWESOME-ST .

    ReplyDelete

Post Rating