Years ago, in 1993, when Mark Zuckerberg was nine and in school, he rented a pirated VCR Cassette of the Bollywood movie Baazigar, because someone had told him that there’s a scene in the movie where Kajol and Shilpa Shetty are in swimming costumes, and he really wanted to watch it. He had never seen before how Kajol looked, which is why he took that bold step, which some say was sheer daredevilry.
That was a defining moment in the history of the World Wide Web and social networking, as Mark Zuckerberg came up with the idea of Facebook when he heard the song:
‘kitabein bahut si padhi hongi tumne magar koi chehra bhi tumne padha hai?’
Pathetic joke. I agree. Please continue reading.
What many people don’t know is that I share a deep yet secret friendship with Naradmuni, the gossip monger God amongst the Hindu deities. And one fine day, he agreed to show me the Facebook profiles and walls of the Gods. Yes, the site has another version, strictly meant for the divinity. And I would like to share with you all a few excerpts from the same. (Narad might hate me for this, but I have already started downloading the first season of Gossip Girls for him, to calm him down.)
LORD SHIVA’S FACEBOOK WALL:
Shiva likes Just Dance on Star Plus and The Immortals of Meluha
Shiva: Nandi is going to be a father. Again. Congrats. Whatever.
Nandi: No need to taunt okay.
Shiva: I have told you so many times to keep your libido down. You’re one horny bull I tell you.
Nandi: That’s it. No more free rides for you.
Shiva: Don’t anger me you fatass.
Nandi: What will you do eh?! Your “Anger Dance”? No God is scared of that anymore buddy. They hardly watch now.
Ganesh: Dad, please don’t start dancing. My friends in school tease me. It’s embarrassing.
Parvati: No one is dancing around in my house. Last time Ganesh tried, he broke a few tiles. I’ve had it.
Kartik likes this comment.
LORD RAM’S FACEBOOK WALL:
Lord Ram is attending India vs. Sri Lanka World Cup Final @ Wankhede
3 days ago.
Ram: Dhoni’s men kicked the Lankan asses. Team India rocks. Awesome match.
51 people like this
Ravan: Match was fixed.
Surpanakha and 33 other people like this comment.
Bharat and 24 other people like this comment.
Hanuman: Hey Ravan. Gold prices at an all time high. Too bad I burnt it all for you eh! Lolzzz.
YAMRAJ’S FACEBOOK WALL:
Yamraj: I see dead people.
Chitragupta: ROFLMAO… good one boss.
GANESHA’S FACEBOOK WALL:
Ganesh: Ganesh Chaturthi time people. It’s a fiesta!
Krishna: Hey Happy B’day bro. Partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Ganesh: It’s not my b’day u idiot. Today was when dad declared me superior to all gods. Yo!
Krishna: Oh ok. Hmmm. Partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
Kartik and 6 other people like this comment.
LORD BRAHMA’S FACEBOOK WALL:
Brahma: Hey guys. Lets start our own Justice League.
Shiva and 10 other people like this.
Vishnu: Awesome idea Brammy.
Jesus: I’m in.
Allah: Me too.
Sai Baba: Yeah. Me too.
Shiva: Hey Sai. What superpowers you have man?! You’re not even actually one of us. You’re like Batman.
Vishnu and 15 other people like this comment.
HANUMAN’S FACEBOOK PAGE:
Hanuman: Lifted 100 lbs dumbbells today at the gym. Now I can do the Salman bicep step.
Bheem likes this
Ram: Dude, why’re you working out? You don’t need the gym. You’re naturally very strong.
Hanuman: I am???!!
Laxman: Yup. And BTW, you can fly. It’s very irritating for us to keep reminding u of your powers u know. You’re less like salman and more like aamir in Ghajani man. Please get all your powers tattooed on your chest.
Ram and 5 other people like this comment.
Hanuman: Dammit! I can actually fly. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Hanuman: Thanks Laxman. And ya I’ll get the tattoo as soon as the stitches on my chest are removed. What was I thinking when I tore it open to show your brother’s image??!!
Ram: Hey! That hurt man.
Hanuman: Oh THAT hurt Ram??? I TORE OPEN MY CHEST!!!!!
Ram: Ok Ok. No need to get senti. Sheeesh. I’m so glad we evolved from you people.
Hanuman: Oye u don’t comment on my people ok. If it weren’t for us u wud have had to go to lanka for Seeta Maa in Air India. And our monkey chicks are better than their Air Hostesses.
Laxman: Dude, you’re a Balbrahmachari. Please get that tattooed also.
Hanuman: Oh ya. He he.
VISHWAMITRA’S FACEBOOK PAGE:
Vishwamitra: Eternal Celibacy?! What was I thinking??!!! Sex is awesome!!!
Menaka: You left me in the middle of a love making session to update your status!!!! COME BACK IN YOU FREAK!.
Vishwamitra: Hey you’re checking FB too.
Abhishek Bachchan: Aha. My new Idea campaign works!
JESUS’S FACEBOOK PAGE:
Jesus: Being the only God in a religion is so much better man. No competition.
Moses and 12 other people like this.
Brahma: Hey Jesus, how many holidays you get due to festivals???!!!!
Shiva and 30 million other people like this comment.
(DISCLAIMER FOR ALL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE: Kindly take this post with a pinch of salt. Don't kill me.)