Thursday, August 11, 2011

A TALE OF TWO MOVIES


       Before starting this post, I would like to thank all the two regular readers of this blog. And also, thank you to all my friends who read, rated and commented on the posts. And guys, I swear I was just kidding when I pointed that gun on your head.

      So two good movies released recently: Singham and Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. And they both are having a really good run at the box office, mainly because no other watchable flick has released since. And no matter how much ever those wannabe intellectuals who think they have a better knowledge of cinemas tell you, no one is going to watch I Am Kalam.

      I think the reason why they made ZNMD was to prove something to the Europeans.

      This is actually what happened:

EUROPEAN: We have politician sex scandals, national bankruptcy, leaders screwing maids, tumhare paas kyaa hai?

INDIA: Mere paas Congress hai.

*lightning*

*camera randomly moves from European’s face to Indian’s face and back. Camera Feels dizzy, pukes and quits. New camera is brought, and the director given by Ekta Kapoor is replaced by a normal director who is not doped.*

EUROPEAN: Our gods are hot.

INDIAN: Hot people are our gods. *pushes Hrithik ahead*

EUROPEAN: Our babes are hot.

INDIAN: Better than this? *pushes Katrina ahead*

EUROPEAN: Our girls have more than three expressions in a movie.

INDIAN: *pulls back Katrina. Pushes Kalki ahead*

EUROPEAN: Our girls have luscious lips that are in proportion to their faces; not ones that make them resemble West Indian cricketers.

INDIAN: *pulls back Kalki*

EUROPEAN: We had Leonardo Da Vinci, who could write and paint simultaneously.

INDIAN: We have Farhan Akhtar, who can talk and gargle simultaneously.

EUROPEAN: We have Monica Bellucci.

*long pause*

*really long pause*

INDIAN: Damn it!

      Then the Indian changed the topic by telling the European about the Senorita song, and they both shared a hearty laugh on how gay Abhay Deol sounded in it.

      Watching ZNMD made me realize that if you want to live your life to the fullest, never go underwater, and never jump out of a flying plane. It also made me realize that when you're out of your mind enough to run in front of horny bulls, everything suddenly pauses, and each one in the audience is looking right and left, wondering if the movie actually just got over.

      But ZNMD makes you believe a few unrealistic things, which increase your expectations a lot. I would like to clear a few things people tend to start believing after watching this movie:

1) When suddenly faced with the Tomatina festival, you won’t be prepared with that chiseled body frame. Start working on that jiggly belly and saggy man boobs right now. I already have. I mean you never know!

2) Your scuba diving instructor won’t be 1/10th as gorgeous as Katrina. And in case she is, she will have many more things to do in life than to hang out with you people after teaching you to drown.

3) If you’re passionate about making money and a girl comes and tells you to live your life to the fullest, never marry her. She will later crib about you not earning enough money.

4) Do not interrupt a female Spanish Flamenco singer and dancers in a public place with Hindi lyrics. People will bash the hell out of you.

5) If your voice is like Abhay Deol, do not attempt to sing in a non-solo number.

6) If you are Abhay Deol, do not attempt to dance beside Hrithik Roshan.

7) If you are Abhay Deol, do not attempt to dance.

      After ZNMD came Singham, a drastically different movie. These two movies demonstrated the divide between the upper and the middle class in the society. When the rich vacation, they go to Spain and drive hot cars; when the poor vacation, they go to Goa and break Scorpios. But one thing I would admit here is that Ajay Devgan’s credibility has increased a lot in the past couple of years. I wish Akshay Kumar had as much sense while choosing movies.

      Singham is an action movie, with humor sprinkled in places. And the part I found the funniest is the Singham claw step in the title song.

      Dear Ajay Devgan, in case you're reading this (yeah right), when the choreographer showed you the Singham step, wasn’t there the tiniest voice in your head that told you 'saale chutiya lagega'. Did you not realize that that step looked less like a tiger’s claw action and more like a vulgar gesture towards a woman?

      One thing good about Singham was...


      Ok I’ll abruptly end this post here because I'm bored to work more. What? No one complained when Zoya Akhtar did it.

13 comments:

  1. i completely agree with the singham step..nd m sure abt te statement in ajay's mind. i think its the work step of 2011.

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  2. All because of Salman Khan, Our audience have started watching shitty Tamil Remakes, where a guy beats up 25 people at a time and kicks a SUV in Mid Air. I have already seen singham last year, nothing but commercial shit............

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  3. hahaha...luckily i havent watched either of the two movies..great review though..louvvvvddddddd the post \m/\m/\m/

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  4. funny funny post..... (bhat)

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  5. Fabulous once again!!! ZNMD did look half baked to me too.And now that i think about it,I totally agree with u abt the singham step!! :-)

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  6. Hilarious, man u r good!

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  7. great to land here...was really feeling awkward when friends came in with all gungho and hoopla about ZNMD in real life and virtual life ! I thought I was alone :)

    I was bit sceptical but now sure that Tomatina and Pamplona don't take place in the same week/month either !!

    frankly I almost slept couple of times during ZNMD!!

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  8. Brillaintly worded!! Especially the conversation between INDIAN and EUROPEAN! :D

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  9. spent 300 bucks on ZNMD... got my money's worth after reading this :) LOL !!

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  10. @Loony: Thank you :)

    @Vaishali: Thanks for the best comment i have ever received yet. :)

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  11. CHammak Challo seems to be inspired from Singham and now the whole thing just makes me duck before someone comes up with such weird steps..lol :P ..
    Haven't watched ZNMD but god Hritik is such a hottie... :D ♥ .. LOL Kalki's resembling a west Indian cricketer..Nailed it :D

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  12. hahaha singham step! epic!! "saale chutiya lagega " :D :D D:

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