Tuesday, August 23, 2011


(DISCLAIMER: I have written only about myself in this post. It is a personal post, and hence I feel it’s my duty to inform you beforehand, so that later I don’t get to see comments like ‘Dude, I care a tiny rat’s ass’. In case you’re new here, please start reading from my next post.

I am not going to popularize this post either, the way I normally promote my other posts. So all those friends of mine who these days log on to Facebook praying to God that there shouldn't be an offline message from Kalpak saying ‘New Post Up!’ can relax.)         

So I have been tagged under the ‘iDig Your Blog Award’ by Loony, a fellow blogger, in a post of hers. This is my first tag ever (Although I was tagged by some 600 girls once under ‘Sexiest Blogger Alive’, but that’s a story for another day.)

Let me explain how the tagging system in the blogosphere works:

1)      Blogger A tags Blogger B in a post, which Blogger B then has to write about on his/her blog.

2)     Such posts normally are like ‘Write 5 things about yourself’, ‘Write 10 things that annoy you’, ‘Think of one good reason why you’re writing this post (bet you can’t)’, etc.

3)     So Blogger B then writes whatever has been asked, and then tags 5 other bloggers, and thus the chain moves on.

The ‘iDig Your Blog Award’ comes with the following rules:

Ø  Gratefully accept the award.

Ø  Link the person you received it from.

Ø  Post 3 interesting facts about yourself.

Ø  Pass this award to 5 blogs you dig.

Ø  Notify them.


I accept the award. I am grateful.


 (Giving such direct, to-the-point answers is very difficult for an SSC background student like me.)


Now this is where I use my SSC style of answering. I, like everyone on this planet, love talking about myself, which is why I have written 13 facts, when asked for 3. If you have a problem with that, fuck you. This is my blog, bitch. And I had already warned you in the disclaimer.

1)      I need my bed-tea to get me out of bed. This is one habit that I hate, but have never tried to quit. The bed-tea serves dual purpose actually; it helps me open my eyes halfway, and it helps me get poop-pressure.

2)     I need some sort of entertainment in the loo. I usually go in with the newspaper (Mumbai Mirror when I was in Bombay) and do not come out till I finish reading the whole thing. If paper’s not available, I’ll take my mobile and headphones, or a novel that I’m currently reading (I’d once told a friend of mine that at times I read novels in the toilet. He has stopped lending me his books since.) I can never just poop.

3)     If you ask all the people who have ever known me ‘When was the last time you saw Kalpak angry?’ 98% of them will not have an answer; me getting angry is a rarer phenomenon than Vivek Oberoi delivering a hit film. And this is quite contradictory to the description of an Arian. People born under Aries, as per the internet zodiac websites, are quite short-tempered.

4)     I procrastinate. A lot. They can as well give me the award for the Best Procrastinator, which I would go to collect tomorrow.

5)     I am very romantic. I also believe that I am a really good boyfriend. I am currently single. *wink. wink* (Dear ex-girlfriends, kindly do not comment otherwise.)  

6)     I have dreamed of being an author since I can remember. I had even started writing a novel, but I left it after writing some 150 pages over 4 years (procrastinator, remember?) because I found the outcome too immature. I lack the focus and discipline required to write a full length book. But some day…. SOME DAY….

7)     I love cooking. This statement should not be mistaken with ‘I can cook’. I mean I can cook, but not as many items as I would love to. Also, I find cooking together the most romantic thing ever. Right from getting the ingredients ready, to making it step by step, and making out little bit while the stuff gets cooked, and then serving it and having a nice meal together.

8)    There won’t be any meaning to my life anymore the day I say no to an ice-cream.

9)     I love being called funny. It gives me a high of some sort. No other adjective attributed to me matters more than ‘funny’.

10) I am 23, and still a virgin. Now how you look at this fact depends on whether you are a virgin or not. If you are, you’d say ‘big deal’. If you aren’t, you’d say ‘duuuuuuuude!!’ If you ask me about my stand on this, I’d say I’m constantly wavering. At times I feel good thinking that I would have something to look forward to on my wedding night, and that whoever my wife would be would get a first hand maal. And at times there’s a voice in my head going, ‘You need to get laid man!’ Just for the record, I’m only technically a virgin. I have done stuff otherwise.

11)  The sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S is my biggest stress buster ever. It can be the worst day of my life, and still just one episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S at the end of the day would cheer me up. I still haven’t figured out the reason behind this.
      Also, I relate to the character of Chandler a lot. I mean I have never so strongly related to so many aspects of one single fictional character apart from Chandler Bing. And according to me, Chandler and Monica are the epitome of an ideal couple. Lily and Marshall are good too, but they get unrealistic at times.

12) I am an agnostic by belief. And I’m absolutely irreligious. I believe creating religions is the most heinous crime ever committed in the history of mankind, and there is no person dumber than the one who talks like ‘my-god-your-god’.

      I believe in only one god, and that I don’t need idols to talk to him. I believe Ramayana, Mahabharata, Quran, Bible are all either figments of imagination, or some highly exaggerated versions of actual events.

13) I talk to myself. A lot. I also talk a lot to the inanimate objects around. I’m not crazy.


Upasana @ my world, my thoughts, my musings, because she’s a fantabulous writer. Her blog makes you think.

Aditi @ Abhilasha, because she writes from the heart. There’s not a single word on her blog that she’s written for anyone but her own self, which makes it a wonderful read.

Saru Singhal @ Words, because the title of her blog is what she is a master of.

Abhishek Singh @ PRISM, because his writing is what you need to relax after a long tiring day.

Loony @ Lunatic on Loose, because she’s one of the best writers out there. And she’s one of those extremely rare female writers who’re actually funny.

(I was tagged by Loony, and I’m tagging her back. This is not what you should normally do, but the poor girl wasn’t smart enough to use the opportunity to rant about herself. She has, like a good girl, only written 3 things about herself. I want to give her an opportunity to bore people more. And loony, this time you don’t need to follow all the steps. Just write those 3 things, 30 if you may.)

Happy Blogging people!


  1. Yay!! Thank you for my first blog award!! **Readyin acceptance speech** Find it on my blog!!:-)

  2. Hahahahahaha!
    1. You made a blooper mista! Where's the award? :P
    2. Did you call me funny? :O I'm going to ignore that male chauvinistic line (which made you sound like a bhakt of V.S. Naipaul :D)... but FUNNY?! Biggest compliment ever! :') Thank you! BTW I'm going to send you the links to a bunch of other funny female bloggers. Hmph!
    3. Did you know this is the third time I'm receiving the same award? :( I wouldn't mind a new one, but the same old one?! Sigh! I'll try to compile a list of "Loony facts on this Lunatic on Loose" some-crazy-day when I'm high on my looniness. :D

  3. Stumbled upon u on Loony's blog award post and thought about stalking you.

    Your about me made me laugh. Not as in the mocking laugh but the funny laugh. The wavering thoughts abt virginity and You have done STUFF before..pwahhaaaa

    Men who cook are idolised!!

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Congratulations

    You are FUNNY!!!

    And, you're very COOL. Thanks for the word of caution, I will never ever lend books to you. Also, FRIENDS is my all time favorite. When I went to NYC, I spend half a day in Central Park (as I can't find Central Perk)

    Thanks for the award!!!

    And, I will place you permanently on my blog:)

    Thanks a lot, You have made my day:)

  6. @ Upasana : You're most welcome. :)

    @ Loony : The award is right there missy. Please wipe your specs. Huh! (ok i added it aftr i saw ur comment. But my guru Sri Sri Sri Sri V S ji maharaj Naipaul wouldnt let me admit that)

    @ Red Handed : I have been writing this blog since a month now, and you chose to 'accidently' come across NOW? When i write my most embarrassing self-revealing post ever! Please follow the disclaimer and read the other ones too.

    @ Saru : Thank you for your comments, both the published and the deleted one. ;)

  7. Can you believe it???You are tagged here!! :-P


  8. yayyyyyyyyyy..thankyou for the tag..!!!
    yippeeee..i just got my first award..
    and thankyou so much for such a flowery description of me blog..!!
    and abhi's blog as wel..hahaha...and yes yes yess..will pucca express my heartfelt gratitude
    in my blogpost sooner..!!
    loll..and this post of yours is lik....masssttt

  9. I happened to stumble across your blog through another friend. And Im so impressed!!! You definitely are the Chandler Bing of blogspot. There... you just got the high. :P

    I agree with so many things on you, like cant "just poop" and Chandler and Monica being the cutest couple. You should seriously write. An early morning with a cup of chai in my hand, this was a wonderful read. Keep it up . "God" bless. (not my god or your god. :))

  10. @ priyakumarnitb - thank you so much. :) it feels awesome when some unknown people on their own come across the blog, read it and like it. all the known ones have to anyway read and comment on my blog, or else i shoot them :D thanks again.

    @ all known people - i love u guys. please do keep reading and commenting.

  11. @kpppp..go dieee..now toh you will have to pay every time we will go out to eat.. :p :p this is what i get after doing so much publicity.. :/

    haha..special mention i should..
    All people it seems :/:/:p :D


  13. COngrtulations on the award...you totally deserve it.. and that's quite an insight into yoyr life .. :)

    Well I relate to a few things here,
    1.I need my bed-coffee to get out of bed..
    2. I need music or a book in the loo :P
    3. If you ask 98% of my friends they'll say stay away when she's angry..Pretty short-tempered :P
    4. Procrastination is my birthright ;)
    5. I LOVE F.R.I.E.N.D.S and I like Chandler and Joey.. But I don't relate with any character.
    6. I talk to myself too *same pinch* :P
    7. Big deal duuuuuuudddddddeeeeeeee!!! ROFL :D

  14. It's been a long time since I read something funny...Brilliant blog...Keep blogging!!!

  15. I just love the way u write. i laugh my brains out on some of the jokes!!! GOOD GOING DUDE!!!


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